DTD Episode 90 Show Notes
Is Fear a Factor?

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This episode is sponsored by Pillar Social Media. They create, manage and grow brands on the social web. They’ve done some great work for me! Check them out at PillarSocialMedia.com

It’s time to take an inventory. How often is it fear that stops you in your tracks? How many excuses do you make to avoid doing what you fear?

We all have them, some activity, conversation, task that we don’t want to do. What would your life look like if you started busting through those fears? How different would it be? What have you missed out on, avoided that could have been great? What avoidance tactics have altered the course of your life and not in a good way?

Fear can be big an overpowering. And, as humans, we will take the path of least resistance unless there is a catalyst.

I share a story about my son to illustrate what fear can look like in our lives. Left unchecked it has a tendency to grow.

When he was young, my son had a fear of thunderstorms. Not unusual. He was too young to understand what was going on so to him it was a lot of noise. At first, he just needed to be cuddled or expressed concern when there was a storm. Over time he began to head for cover in our basement when he heard thunder. Once when we were camping in our RV I woke to find him sleeping in a storage area under the couch. He was trying to shield himself from all the noise.

As he grew so did his fear. Soon he was feeling afraid when it rained. Rain might bring thunder.   He would hide in the basement.

Then clouds began to scare him. Clouds might bring rain and rain might bring thunder. He would hide in the basement.

Then he became fearful when there was wind. Wind might bring clouds, clouds could bring rain and rain might mean thunder. He would hide in the basement.

I watched as this fear grew and grew. It was painful.   Thankfully, he has worked his way back through the fears and does fine during storms now. And he understands the science behind the noise.

Where is fear doing something similar in your life? It might not be storms but something else. In the show notes I have a graphic of all kinds of different fears that often plague adults.

Where is fear shifting the trajectory of your work or life?

Where is it growing like a blob?

What impact is it having?

Today I am asking you to commit to one Risk per day.

Not a physical risk like skydiving or a roller coaster

Not an Adrenaline Rush risk.

No, I am asking you to get out of your comfort zone. Do that thing that you’ve been avoiding. Begin to expand your life one action at a time.

• Make that call,
• take that class,
• go to that event,
• have that conversation
• Go it alone somewhere
• Admit the wrong
• Ask for help
• Read a chapter in the book
• Make the investment
• Make that presentation
• Ask for that raise
• Make that request
• Set that boundary
• Share your opinion

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!

Need a comprehensive program to help you defeat drama in your organization?

Join the Defeat the Drama, Delight Your Customers and Improve Your Bottom Line Boot Camp

A Surefire 7 Step System to Get your Team Doing what you Need, Loving what they Do & Directing Focus where it Should Be

You Will Learn To:

1. Gain Clarityabout what you sell, how it should feel and why do you do what you do?
   2. Generate Actions Aligned with Business Objectives
   3. Empower Your Team to take Targeted Actionwith Tenacity
   4. Identify and Remove Barriers to Team Productivity
   5. Drive Focused Employee Correction Conversations
   6. Hire Well
   7. Establish Harmony and Productivity

Kirsten will personally walk you through the required transformation step by step via video. Each module is available 24/7 and includes an Action Guide to walk you through implementation. You will also have access to exclusive office hours with Kirsten.

Click to get your discount exclusively for Podcast listeners: http://focusforwardcoaching.com/dtdb

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!

DTD Episode 88 Show Notes
6 Key Causes of Chronic Lateness and How to Overcome Them

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!Click to Download Episode 88 Show NotesAre you one of those chronologically challenged people? The ones constantly running into meetings exclaiming “sorry”, as you move to find a seat? Or, do your friends and family just roll their eyes as you explain, once again that “traffic was terrible” or “I got lost” as you maneuver your way through the group?

Tardiness creates drama and is a sign of disrespect. And don’t underestimate the negative impact that chronic lateness creates! You need to do all in your power to be on time! I have coached people with this affliction and found varied reasons for it.

Here are some of the main culprits I’ve helped clients overcome. Do you struggle with any of these? As always, get real. You have to acknowledge something before you can change it.

1. You don’t gage time well. You aren’t realistic about how long things will take or how much travel time is required.
2. You get lost in a current task and time slips away. You look up to see that there is zero possibility of arriving on time.
3. You like to seem important and arriving late to a meeting or gathering proves that you have many things on your plate. People should just appreciate that you’ve blessed them with your presence at all.
4. You are completely disorganized with your calendar and have no idea what’s on it or when. It has totally gotten away from you.
5. You don’t say no appropriately so are constantly overscheduled. Maybe you don’t even bother to check before you say yes yet again.   You’d feel bad saying no. You’ll just figure it out later.
6. You just don’t care. You are a Type B personality to the Nth degree. You’ll get there when you get there. You have no idea why so many people let time rule their lives.

Unless you are of the just don’t care variety you are probably experiencing drama yourself as you try to maneuver through a too full calendar. If you’re the ego later your stress might be in finding things to do to continually appear busy.

And the people who are waiting for you are feeling stress. If you are an important part of the meeting you may be wasting everyone’s time. They can’t finalize a conversation or make a decision without you and have to wait and then spend additional time summarizing what’s already happened. Or, your family and friends held up dinner or waited to cut the cake or started without you but missed your presence once again.

It’s a sign of disrespect too. You are saying that you are more important than other people. Anyone can be late for a meeting or can over schedule. It takes intentional action to avoid it.

When I work with leaders who are chronically late I give them these strategies.

1. You don’t gage time well: Reality check your time estimates. Create your initial estimate and then tack on some extra time. If you have repeating tasks keep track so that you have a reference for next time. Have a colleague or friend who is notoriously on time review your estimates. Or, if you have an admin give them more control over your schedule.For travel times add 10 to 15 minutes additional for every half an hour the travel should take. If you’re in an area with extra heavy traffic or it’s rush hour you will need to tack on more. And make sure to factor in time to get into the building. If you have to hit the 20^th floor you’ll need time to park in a large lot or structure, wait for the elevator and take the ride up.
   Getting places early feels REALLY good! I’m an efficiency junky and also a freak about being on time. How do I deal with the extra time I have when arriving early? I always travel with portable, quick tasks to do. I can still be efficient with my time without the stress of running just on time or late.
2. You get lost in a current task and time slips away: if this is you there’s a super quick fix. Just set an alarm on your phone. Determine what time you need to be done, pick a catchy tune, utilize the self discipline to stop when you need to and you’ve got it.
3. You like to seem important: get over yourself. The truth is, everyone in that meeting or event had many other things they could have been doing with their time too. You don’t look busy and important you just look rude.It is way more impressive to juggle many things well. Be intentional about what you commit to and follow through on your word.

   I remember the year I was getting married. I was a single mom, business owner, Board member and helping to start a non-profit. I made it to my kids’ activities and arrived early to all of my professional commitments while still managing to plan a wedding. I said no where I needed to and honored the commitments I made by juggling my calendar. You can get a lot done while still respecting yourself and others!

4. You are completely disorganized with your calendar: Find a system that works and stick to it. If you have an admin who can own this for you give up the fight. Or, perhaps he or she is the one creating the chaos by overbooking you. If this is the case, get in control. Create specific rules about the number of appointments, after work obligations, breakfast meeting per week, etc. And then, get in the habit of checking it before you add anything to it.   And you must check it throughout each day or at least first thing in the morning. And, again, be intentional about to what you commit.Years ago when I was just starting my business I did struggle with this a little bit. I had been a stay at home mom for a few years with just a few play dates and an occasional pediatrician appointment on the calendar during the day.   I remember missing a very important phone conference call.   It was the very early stages when I still maybe had one meeting to track every couple of weeks. I was not yet back in the habit of checking my calendar everyday nor keeping track of time for anything other than nap or snack times. I had to re-learn. That one miss and I was back on track!
5. You don’t say no appropriately so are constantly overscheduled:   focus on the stress and overwhelm this causes in your life. You need to build the motivation to start saying no appropriately.Here’s one strategy I teach. Buy yourself time by telling someone you need to check your calendar. You should be doing that anyway! This will give a quick phrase to help you breathe and be intentional.
6. You just don’t care. If this is you, you need to find a way to care or you will never be motivated to change. Since being late is probably not causing you any stress can you think about what it’s doing to other people? Are they feeling disappointment or stress? Can you think back to important events you’ve missed? Have you lost any jobs or professional opportunities? Have any of your relationships been negatively impacted?If you can muster the motivation then you can deploy some of the strategies I’ve included here.

Need a comprehensive program to help you defeat drama in your organization?

Join the Defeat the Drama, Delight Your Customers and Improve Your Bottom Line Boot Camp

A Surefire 7 Step System to Get your Team Doing what you Need, Loving what they Do & Directing Focus where it Should Be

You Will Learn To:

1. Gain Clarityabout what you sell, how it should feel and why do you do what you do?
   2. Generate Actions Aligned with Business Objectives
   3. Empower Your Team to take Targeted Actionwith Tenacity
   4. Identify and Remove Barriers to Team Productivity
   5. Drive Focused Employee Correction Conversations
   6. Hire Well
   7. Establish Harmony and Productivity

Kirsten will personally walk you through the required transformation step by step via video. Each module is available 24/7 and includes an Action Guide to walk you through implementation. You will also have access to exclusive office hours with Kirsten.

Click to get your discount exclusively for Podcast listeners: http://www.defeatthedrama.com/podcastdiscount

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!

DYD Episode 86 Show Notes
Defeat YOUR Drama:

I Have to Babysit my Coworker and Fix Her Mistakes
Emily from Vermont

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!Download the DTD Episode 86 Show Notes PDF
If you’d like me to share customized strategies for your drama situation go to my website http://podcast.defeatthedrama.com/defeat-your-drama/. You can type or record your message. Use your real name or an alias for anonymity. Note that recorded or written messages may be used on the podcast.Emily from Vermont Wrote:

I am ready to quit my job at a non profit organization I have been a part of for 23 years. I have volunteered, been on the board and have now worked here for almost 2 years. A co worker in our very small work space has been causing a lot of stress for myself and others in the company. She has had many corrective conversations and tools given to her for success that have yet to work. She denies her actions in conversations and mediation. She is extremely negative and belittling when speaking to staff, supervisors and when using work time for personal issues. She got extremely defensive and offended when she was informed her behavior was disruptive. Our meetings have now turned into ways to work better with her instead of what needs to be done for the organization. And our work has now become a constant state of babysitting and fixing mistakes due to this employee. Many events have been documented and submitted to HR. The only option I now see for myself is removing myself entirely from the situation. What other ways can we approach this issue and make this a better working environment to all those who are involved?

##

As always, In the Defeat Your Drama segments, I will provide solutions based on the information provided. I will obviously not have full details so will provide customized strategies based on what you share. Always consider your own specific circumstances before taking any action. These are suggestions not guarantees.

Emily, it sounds like you are in a tough and frustrating spot. So sorry for this! There are still some strategies that you can try. It does seem like you and your team have tried everything within your control to help her change. If she’s staying then we need to identify what is still in your control.

#1 Make it as Small as Possible

If your co-worker is going to stay and continue behaving the way she is then all of that is out of your control at this point. You want to stay in your job out of a passion for the non-profit’s work. The goal is to see if you can make this situation at all palatable. You want to stay but can not with your current level of frustration. You can only change what you can control and your focus is something you can control.

Right now it sounds like there is a constant focus on your coworker and her negative behavior. Both from you and your team. You can’t control your team but you can control you. In your mind, make her as small as possible. Put her in a circle in your mind. You can literally visual her as a tiny, tiny little being. Make her smaller and smaller and quieter and quieter. See her inside a tiny, tiny little contained circle.

Now, make the mission of the non-profit and the important work that you get to do as big as possible. In your mind visualize that getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Put it in a giant circle.

Now visualize that giant circle next to the tiny, tiny circle that contains this woman. She’s a tiny little ant next to a universe.

Practice that visual.

Now, bring it into real life. In every moment you get to choose what you focus on. Everyone is in an uproar over this woman, understandably. You are sharing stories, cleaning up her messes, wishing she weren’t there, wanting her to behave differently, collecting her issues, thinking about them, talking about them.

She his monopolizing your focus.

I’m not saying it will be easy, but it is doable   Just STOP.

Ignore her. Make her small. Stop getting frustrated when you have to clean up her mess. I’m not saying it isn’t frustrating. But the reality is whether you are focusing on it and frustrated or ignoring it she is the same. Your frustration does nothing to solve the problem anyway. Pass over that thought and move right on to the work at hand. Visualize the big difference you are making in the world through your work. Place your focus there. Place your focus where you CAN and ARE making a difference. Ignore her and her actions. Place no focus there.

#2 Stop Cleaning up Her Messes

Someone is making the decision to keep her. Is this same person suffering the consequences of this co-worker’s mistakes? Or, is the team doing all of the clean up. I know it is hard, especially when you feel so strongly about the work you are doing. Cushioning a decision maker from the full consequences and dealing with all of them yourselves can sometimes prolong a tough decision. Pain is what moves humans into action. If there is pain on both sides of a decision people have a tendency to stick to the actions that create the least amount of pain or consequences.

There is a reason someone is deciding to keep this employee. I am assuming it’s not about her work ethic. It sounds more like they have guilt or fear. Maybe they fear her defensive response. Perhaps they have guilt because they know she needs the job. The pain of that guilt and fear is bigger than the consequence they are experiencing from her bad behavior. Is that because you guys clean it all up so the organization does not suffer? Does the boss have to deal with the team complaints but not the clean up?

Do what you can to help decision makers feel the full brunt of consequences. Stop being on the clean up crew.

You may even tell them that you can no longer do it. You will do your job to the best of your ability but will no longer clean up her messes. You are overwhelmed, resentful and frustrated. Share what is true. What do you have to lose? You are at your wit’s end. The only chance that you can stay is if something changes. Your change may be the catalyst that makes that transformation happen.

#3 See Her in a Different Light

Part of your frustration is in wanting her to be different. Perhaps you assume she is doing what she’s doing on purpose. Chances are the outcomes she achieves are not what she intends. Instead they are the fall out for the false beliefs, fears, lack of self esteem, whatever is actually driving her. And it might be a sense of entitlement and a desire to do as little as possible. There are some who have that mission.

The truth is, life can’t be very fulfilling for her. She knows she’s not doing a good job. She knows she’s trying to stay stuck and hanging on by a thread where she is. She’s working hard and expending a lot of energy to control what she can and keep things status quo.

I’m not trying to help you excuse away what she’s doing. It is a shame. But for your own level of satisfaction and nothing more, can you feel sorry for her or find her actions ridiculously funny? Is it possible for someone to be this delusional?

If you can find humor or empathy rather than frustration the situation may begin to be more palatable. And this can help you stay in a job you otherwise love.

#4 Leave

If all else fails, you can’t make the issue small and focus on other things, you can’t find empathy or humor, you can’t ignite the desire for change in the leaders by allowing them to feel the consequences. If the frustration is at a level that you can no longer tolerate then the option for your sanity and enjoyment of life is to leave. Use your gifts and all that you have to offer to an organization that values hard work and a focus where it should be. An organization that does not tolerate drama.

It is possible that your resignation would ignite a fire in the leaders who are allowing the behavior to continue. I wouldn’t suggest giving an idle threat but if you are truly at that point and find no other options let the leaders know. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll do what they must.

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!

Defeat YOUR Drama:
How Can I Fire this Employee?

 

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!Download the DTD Episode 83 Show Notes PDFTom from Michigan

If you’d like me to share customized strategies for your drama situation go to my website http://podcast.defeatthedrama.com/defeat-your-drama/. You can type or record your message. Use your real name or an alias for anonymity. Note that recorded or written messages may be used on the podcast.

Tom from Michigan Writes:

My employee, I’ll call him Bill, is causing a ton of problems. He’s rude, he’s spending a bunch of time on the internet doing who knows what everyday. He’s barely getting any work done. The problem is he’s the only one who knows the software he uses to enroll people in our program. He also handles some really important billing stuff.   What can I co?

As always, In the Defeat Your Drama segments, I will provide solutions based on the information provided. I will obviously not have full details so will provide customized strategies based on what you share. Always consider your own specific circumstances before taking any action. These are suggestions not guarantees. 

Tom, I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. Let’s get you some customized strategies.

I actually see this issue often. A client tells me that no one else knows the job or has the passwords. You are in a predicament. There are some solutions. It just might take a bit of time to solve.

I preach the importance of documenting processes and information often! As a matter of fact, in episode 25 the topic was Document for Ease of Mind, Teaching Tools and Freedom.   Here’s a link if you haven’t already heard it http://goo.gl/iuSjcG

But, shoulda, woulda coulda – here you are.

Employees usually are very aware that they are not doing a good job. Some who want to continue their poor behavior will use strategies to create the opportunity to continue without negative consequence. One common strategy is to garner power by hoarding information. You can become indispensible if no one else knows your job.

It sounds like this is exactly what you are experiencing.

I have three strategies for you. The first two will actually help you avoid this circumstance in others for the future.

#1 Team Documentation

I recommend that you begin an initiative to have everyone in the office begin documenting their work processes, creating FAQ’s, organizing passwords.   You can’t single out just Bill. He’d get skittish and avoid this project like the plague. However, if everyone is engaged he might make some progress.

#2 Job Shadowing

Begin a job shadowing program with a goal of providing back up for everyone in the office. Again, you can’t single out Bill. His job security comes from his unique knowledge. He’d be tipped off if you focused on his job only. Emphasize the benefits to employees; ease of mind while on vacation, uninterrupted sick days, for instance. This might give you a fighting chance to get it done.

#3 Terminate and Figure it Out

This one might be too brutal to make happen.   But, I’m throwing it out there because it might be a possibility. I don’t know your full circumstance. It is possible that you are telling yourself it is impossible to terminate “Bill”. But is it? Stop and consider life without him. Would it be glorious? How difficult will it really be to try to figure out what he does and what he knows without his participation? Sometimes we create an obstacle bigger than it really is when we have discomfort from guilt or fear.

The first two strategies will take some time. If he is creating enough collateral damage you may not want to wait. Get real about the full impact you would experience by letting him go immediately. Then weigh the pros and cons. Negative impact from having to figure it all out against the positive impact of no longer dealing with his antics and the full fall out he creates for your team, your business, your customers. How would it feel to no longer have to waste money paying someone to surf the internet rather than work?

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!

DTD Episode 82 Show Notes
Are you Blowing out the Flame?

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!Download the DTD Episode 82 Show Notes PDF
This episode is sponsored by Pillar Social Media. They create, manage and grow brands on the social web. They’ve done some great work for me! Check them out at PillarSocialMedia.com

Recently I was meeting with the COO for a client company to discuss some issues I had identified. The company had a stated desire to improve productivity numbers and yet the manager charged with the responsibility had been unable to generate improvement. Why? Because his boss wanted to approve any changes in the department prior to implementation. Okay, a bit micro-managy potentially.

The bigger problem, however, every time the manager shared a recommendation the boss said, “Sounds good, we’ll talk about it.” And then there was NEVER time to “talk about it.”

This manager was beyond frustrated to say the least!

Ummmmm……if you want to insert yourself into the process as a leader you have to make the time to make things happen. You must create the foundation to support your constant involvement. You can’t have it both ways. The boss was a brake system. Nothing was moving forward.

As I shared the situation with the COO I got the visual and shared, “You’re telling him you want the water to boil but his boss is blowing out the flame!”

Accountability with no opportunity is one of the worst positions to be in as a leader. This company has a passionate loyal manager with the knowledge and desire to do a great job but his hands are tied.   And he’s getting the double whammy affect, the frustration of not getting to implement the ideas he has and the hand slap of not meeting his prescribed objectives.

It’s not a novel problem. I have seen it many, many times.  So, today I ask you to consider, where are you stopping the forward momentum of fired up employees? Where have you given your team specific objectives but put on the brakes before they could make any change?

Where are YOU blowing out the flame?

Where must you remove yourself from the process to ignite forward momentum? A key to great leadership is to become a resource that allows others to succeed.

Free Webinar – Motivate Your Team without Losing Your Mind!

DefeattheDrama.com and click on the webinar tab.

Need a comprehensive program to help you defeat drama in your organization?

Join the Defeat the Drama, Delight Your Customers and Improve Your Bottom Line Boot Camp

A Surefire 7 Step System to Get your Team Doing what you Need, Loving what they Do & Directing Focus where it Should Be

You Will Learn To:

1. Gain Clarityabout what you sell, how it should feel and why do you do what you do?
   2. Generate Actions Aligned with Business Objectives
   3. Empower Your Team to take Targeted Actionwith Tenacity
   4. Identify and Remove Barriers to Team Productivity
   5. Drive Focused Employee Correction Conversations
   6. Hire Well
   7. Establish Harmony and Productivity

Kirsten will personally walk you through the required transformation step by step via video. Each module is available 24/7 and includes an Action Guide to walk you through implementation. You will also have access to exclusive office hours with Kirsten.

Click to get your discount exclusively for Podcast listeners: http://www.defeatthedrama.com/podcastdiscount

Click To Apply For Your Very Own FREE Leadership Breakthrough Session With Kirsten!