EP30: Let Their Why be the Reason Not the Justification

DTD Episode 30 Show Notes
Let Their Why be the Reason Not the Justification

Click to download the Show Notes for Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 30

Tools You Can Use in Leadership and Life

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worked with clients who are struggling through challenges with a person who is making poor choices.  Generally the conversation morphs into a guessing game style diagnosis of why:

5_keys_to_healthy_boundaries_episode

  • Why someone isn’t showing up for work on time
  • Why the person is so angry
  • Why someone has a commitment phobia

And often my response is, “Stop!”

Stop using your energy and creative reasoning to make guesses about the root cause of another’s choices.

Sometimes the why just doesn’t matter.

Too often we get into diagnosing why and feel like we’ll tolerate the bad behavior until it is better.  We focus on trying to fix a situation that is completely out of our control and suffer the consequences of poor choices while we try to figure it all out.

We treat their why as a justification for the behavior and decide to take no action. The why is the reason it’s happening but in most instances shouldn’t be treated as a justification for continuing.

At some point you must put your focus where you do have control. Accept what is so and take action from there.

If the person who cannot manage their anger is taking it out on you it is not your job to figure out why they are having outbursts.  The more important place to put your energy is in mustering the strength to set healthy boundaries and stop tolerating the behavior.

If an employee is habitually late it is not your job as their boss to figure out why and remove the barriers.   You are also not required to accommodate the tardiness.  Set clear expectation with consequences you will follow through on and see if they can make the adjustments to do what is right.  Putting a job at risk changes the stakes and often results in a change in behavior.

Certainly I recommend that you analyze the situation to determine whether there is any other action that you can take to make it better.

Are you contributing to the negative situation in any way?  Is any part of it in your control?   Have you communicated your feelings, made a request for change?

Don’t leave your colleague in the world of assumption.  State the facts.  Let them know where they stand.  Give them the opportunity to make the right choice.  Beyond that, your job is done.

Put your energy into focusing on what is so rather than why it is there then get into action with what is in your control to make the situation better today.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP29: 5 C’s to Creating Ideal Connections

DTD Episode 29 Show Notes
5 C’s to Creating Ideal Connections

Click to download the Show Notes for Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 29

Networking often gets a bad rap.  Networking itself is not bad it’s just that many of us have transitioned it to something that doesn’t work well.  I hear clients say they hate it or it doesn’t “lead to anything.”

I once was at a gathering of about 500 business professionals and witnessed the epitome of networking gone wrong.  We were on a short break so everyone was rushing to do what they needed to in the 15 minutes we had.  Participants grabbed water, hit restrooms and returned emails with gusto.  The lobby was filled with people tucked into spaced to make phone calls.

As one woman knelt in her claimed space returning a call I watched as another participant walked up and slid her business cards between two of her fingers as she held her phone.  She turned with a puzzled look on her face as she attempted to maintain her composure to complete the call.

How long do you think it took her to discard that card once the call was complete?  I’m guessing the length of time it took her to get to the nearest trashcan.

While most don’t exhibit such egregious behavior, many still act in a way that discourages people from participating in networking events.  It’s what’s given networking a bad name.

I encourage my clients to connect rather than network in an effort to remove the negative connotation and also to give it a name more aligned with the true goal.

Networking makes me conjure images of messy cables and loose connections.

Let’s instead commit to connect.

Here are the 5 C’s I share to create the appropriate goals and give you the right mindset to create successful connections.

  • Couple:  Create a goal of meeting just a couple or a few people who you really enjoy speaking with.  Take the time to have a nice conversation that begins the journey of a relationship.  The goal should never be to get your card in the hands of random people or to speak with as many people as people.
  • Curiosity:  enter into conversations with authentic curiosity to learn about another human being.  Too many people worry about what they should say about themselves.  Take the pressure off and become more engaging by instead seeking to ask questions that will ignite a nice conversation.  Go to an event armed with a few very generic questions that will get the communication started.  Here are a few examples:  Where do you work? What do you do?  Any travel plans coming up?  Do you follow any sports teams?
  • Common Interests:  as you enjoy a nice conversation seek out areas of common interest and explore those further.  Common interests are a way to authentically connect with others and are an indication that you might enjoy doing business together down the road.
  • Contribute:  after meeting look for ways that you can contribute to them.  Is there an article or resource that would prove helpful as a follow up to your conversation? Do they have an event coming up that you could help to promote?  Seek out ways to be of service.
  • CatchUp:  the initial meeting is just the start.  Now it’s time to foster the relationship.  It takes time to create an authentic relationship.  Out of those you meet determine who you will catch up with in person and who you will connect with mostly with phone or email.  Plan ahead and know what you hope to achieve from the meeting.  Where do you see synergy between your businesses or where might you be of service? I almost always start with an in-person meeting and I accept many requests from others to meet as well.Before accepting an invitation, however, I always like to know what someone’s expectations are.  I don’t want to waste their time or mine if our agendas would not be aligned.For instance, if a financial planner asks to meet with me I want to make certain he or she is not seeking me out as a prospect.  I am all set in that arena.Make sure that the time is well spent for all involved and get those follow up meetings scheduled.  Go with the same agenda, authentic curiosity but with more focus on how you might help each other or work together.As I end every introduction message:  Happy Connecting!

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP28: 5 Keys to a Life of Healthy Boundaries

DTD Episode 28 Show Notes
5 Keys to a Life of Healthy Boundaries

Click to download the Show Notes for Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 28

Tools to use in Leadership and Life

5_keys_to_healthy_boundaries_episode

What do you want, need or desire from your relationships? Do you ever ask yourself this question? Boundaries are rules of engagement for your relationship. If you are doing all of the modifying and all of the sucking it up without speaking up you will build up resentments with the people in your work and life. You will also tend to attract people who don’t like to respect boundaries. You want a say in how your relationships work. People who are more passive in life, in particular, often forget to put themselves into the equation of the relationship. They become so focused on meeting the other person’s needs or fixing their next catastrophe that they forget to consider their own feelings, wants and needs.

1. Create the Boundary: If you had your way, what variables would you like to change in your relationships?  Whether it’s work or life it’s time to take an inventory.

Here are some common places to look:

  • Respect My Time: be on time or let me know ahead of time that you will be late
  • Give Me More Notice: are you tired of putting out fires for a person who is constantly coming to you last minute to help with a project or fill out a form? Whether it’s a child or a co-worker, stop and think what you need in this area.
  • Watch Your Tone: whether it’s sarcasm, a condescending attitude or a too loud volume, teach people how you would like to be spoken to.
  • Behave Appropriately: is it a co-worker telling off color jokes or a colleague drinking too much at the company picnic? Perhaps it’s a family member during a holiday meal.

2. Consequence is Key: humans need a catalyst to generate change, it’s just the reality of things. So, while in some of your relationships the fact that you’ve taken the time to share your feelings will ignite a positive reaction, in many instances the people in your life will need a bit more motivation to heed your request. If they don’t comply with your request, what will you do? The consequence should be related to the boundary.  Let’s go back through our original list:

  • Respect My Time: I will wait 5 minutes and then start without you – or leave.
  • Give Me More Notice: if you give me less than 2 days notice I will not be able to help you.
  • Watch Your Tone of Voice: If you continue with a sarcastic tone I will end the conversation.
  • Behave Appropriately: I will ask you to leave, or you will not be invited back, or you will be terminated, or you will be taken off the project.

3. Communicate the Boundary & Consequence: creating a boundary and consequence doesn’t help if you don’t communicate them to the effected party. Give them the opportunity to make the right choices. Too often we sit in silence as we build up resentments. I recommend communicating it as a request. You cannot demand that someone do anything differently from what they normally would. You can only share your feelings and ask. Calling it a request and asking puts you in a relaxed mode. Your non-verbal communication will portray the same. Your friend or colleague will feel more freedom to say yes or no. Ultimately they have final say whether you demand or request so might as well keep it low key and request.

Outline the consequence so that they are making an informed decision. Give them the opportunity to make a different choice. It’s often hard to act on the consequences we’ve outlined. Don’t give yourself an out by failing to communicate it. I see that one often. “Well, I didn’t really tell them that I’d leave if they were more than 15 minutes late. I’d feel bad leaving without telling them.

And you have final say in acting out the consequence. It’s okay if they continue to offend. You have the opportunity to enact the consequence that you’ve forewarned them about. They’ve been given notice and had the chance to comply.

4. Consider: I’m not trying to turn you into a dictator. If they are open to engaging in a healthy conversation, listen to your colleague, friend or family member. Are they willing to acknowledge their behavior and apologize? Are they understanding of your need to set boundaries and consequences? Are they able to hear and appreciate your point of view? Is it possibly a case where they misread the situation and had no idea that they were offending your or taking advantage? If this is the first time you’ve ever spoken up to someone it’s a possibility. Do they have an alternate idea for how to hold them accountable?

I once had a colleague share her story of frustration about her neighbor who constantly asked her to babysit. I asked what she had said to the neighbor. Low and behold she always told the neighbor she loved babysitting. Well, from her perspective, the neighbor had the best situation ever and had no idea that she was frustrating her friend. Don’t be that person! It’s a waste of time to share your thoughts with people not involved. Take the time to share your feelings with the person who can make a difference.

5. Carry Out the Consequence: Follow through on your word. Make the request, share the consequence and if they don’t comply follow through with the consequence. It will probably be hard but you must.  So, tell them what you’ll do. Remember, this isn’t about punishment it’s about protecting yourself. It’s rude for someone to keep you waiting when they’ve done it consistently for years. Set the consequence that you’ll wait no more than 10 minutes and then you’re moving on without them. Leave without them once and you may see a sudden and dramatic change. Continue to accommodate the offensive behavior and they’ll have no reason to change.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP27: What Goes on in Your Head? Robert T. Kiyosaki Says it’s Important to Know!

DTD Episode 27 Show Notes
What Goes on in Your Head?
Robert T. Kiyosaki Says it’s Important to Know!

Click to download the Show Notes for Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 27

self_talk“It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!” ~ Robert T. Kiyosaki

The title of this episode says it all. Are the words that you say to yourself more encouraging or discouraging?

If a friend spoke to you like you speak to yourself would you spend my time with them?

Take some time to document the worries, loathing, and fear phrases that pop through your head daily.

Once you have them written or typed begin to create positive phrases to think, say or read to replace the negative thoughts. Call them affirmations if you’d like. Keep them readily available so that you can swiftly replace the negative self talk with something positive instead.

I also encourage my clients to write out phrases on sticky notes to place them strategically on a bathroom mirror, on a dash or steering wheel or on your computer screen. You can also use dry erase markers to write directly on glass of any sort. Whatever works for you. It’s time to retrain your brain and feed it positive words.

If you feel like the positive phrases are not truth just fake it until you make it.

Keep in mind, I’m not asking you to circumvent reality and move into denial over poor choices you’ve made through this exercise. If you’ve been lying to many in your life or hiding some big dark secrets I’m not trying to help you do a better job with that. If there is negative self talk that is reality pull that out and analyze it instead. What must you do to fix the situation? Get in action now.

The goal of this exercise is to help you have a more balanced and realistic impression of yourself, see you as others do and transform the self talk to make it work for you rather than against.

A great video created by Dove helps illustrate how tough we are on ourselves about our outward appearance. We do even more with our insides. View the video now below…

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP26: 5 Keys to Igniting Great Correction Conversations

DTD Episode 26 Show Notes
5 Keys to Igniting a Great Correction Conversation

Click to download the Show Notes for Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 25
26picMaintain Control: You have two main objectives under this category. Maintain control of the feel of the meeting and of the topics. Keep it Calm and don’t let your meeting get high jacked. For you, deep breaths, know your intentions are good and stay focused on pulling the topics back to your agenda. Employees engaging in stay stuck strategies will use a variety of techniques to avoid the conversation you have in mind.   I always visualize an expressway with off ramps. You want to stay on the expressway and they will keep trying to veer you towards an exit. No matter what they do or say, bring it back to the topic at hand.   Use phrases like, “It’s really important that we use our time effectively here. I need to spell out some next steps for you.” Or, “we aren’t here to talk about that right now. I will make a note to look into that later. For now, we are here to talk about you.”

State Your Desire for Their Success: An employee who wishes to stay stuck will often assume that you are just out to get them when you initiate a correction conversation of any kind. Help to put them at ease. You might not be successful but at least give it a try. Assure them that you are on their side. You want them to be successful.   You are hoping that they hear your message today. You will outline a plan to help them be successful. You hope that they hear you today, take the appropriate action and achieve.

Define Success: As a leader, you get to define what actions and behaviors create success in your business. Often employees desire to define success themselves. They want to design their day, show up when it’s convenient, work or not as they’d like, all while maintaining their job. Don’t let that happen. Be firm and let the employee know exactly what is required to be successful in their job. Outline where they are falling short.

Lay out a Plan: Come with a plan prepared. What is the definition of success. Where is the employee falling short and what must they do to achieve success. Outline the exact path they can take to achieve success.   If it’s an attitude they can choose to shift that immediately. If it’s aptitude, then outline the process they will go through to gain the necessary skills. Is it a class or should the shadow a fellow employee? Are there some practice sessions to do online or is it just a matter of reviewing the documentation in your procedures manual?

Document the plan ahead of time and bring it to the meeting to share in detail. Provide them with a copy and ask if they have questions. Offer your support and assure them that you are there if they have questions. Then release the action to them.

Let Go! Your employees have free will and so do you. If you give them the opportunity to be successful and they utilize their free will to make the right choice – GREAT! If they don’t, you have free will too. Do what’s right for your business, yourself and your customers.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

 

EP25: Document for Ease of Mind, Teaching Tools and Freedom

DTD Episode 25 Show Notes
Document for Ease of Mind, Teaching Tools and Freedom

Click to download the Show Notes for Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 25

EaseofMindIt happened again!  I met with a client who really needs to terminate an employee but can’t.

Why?  Because they don’t have any documentation of how she does her job.

It’s the handcuffs that hold a poor performer in their position.

Rarely does a great performer resort to empowering themselves by hoarding information.  It’s always the ones you want to remove.  Instead of exiting them out the door my clients feel stuck.

In this most recent example it’s an administrative support individual who has been the sole user of a very important database.  She helped develop it, created all the passwords, inputs all the data and writes all the reports to make sense of the information.   No one else knows anything about any of it.  They feed her the information on paper and she does what she does with it.  A very large program, integral to the organization, relies on the database to exist.  They cannot function without the information within.

It all started so innocently.  They asked her to be involved.  She took great initiative to make it all happen.  Initially they were thrilled with her enthusiasm.  Over time, however, the power she has generated has gone to her head.  She’s treating everyone horribly and is holding the organization hostage over the valuable information that only she can access.

It’s escalated to a point where something must be done.  But, they cannot let her go without a backup plan.  How do you create a backup plan when the employee is focused on keeping the power to keep the job?  Had they asked for documentation all along they wouldn’t have ended up in this situation.

So, please, don’t let this be you!

Document ~ Document ~ Document!

It might not be a power hungry employee.  It could be a team member who falls ill or quits or a vendor that stops performing well.  You never know when you’ll need to gain access to information or take over a process.

So……….

Document processes.

Document passwords.

Document important phone numbers and procedures.

Document where to find important forms.

Document help desk numbers and web addresses.

Document access points and passwords to all of your digital assets, Facebook, websites, Twitter accounts, business LinkedIn profiles, Google+, Pinterest.

If you are the owner, make sure that you are an admin on your Facebook business page.

Attach your business page to a business owner personal page rather than the 20 something’s page who just started working for you.

My husband owns a social media company and is constantly trying to gain access to digital landscapes that have been high jacked by former employees or outsourced relationships gone awry.

Know how to access your valuable information!

Do it now!

Don’t wait until you are totally fed up with an employee or a vendor.

Beyond peace of mind and freedom, great documentation will provide you with a training tool for new employees.  It will allow co-workers to easily cover for each other while on vacation or leave.  And it is the first step to analyzing processes to determine whether the work could be done more efficiently.

I am begging you!  If you are one of the many leaders who has not required your team to document EVERYTHING start now!  It might seem daunting.  It’s okay.  Just start!  A partially documented department is still better than the one without.  Chunk it down.  Start today and then keep at it a little at a time.  Even if each employee carves out 30 minutes per week it’s a start.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP24: My Business Partner Moves too Slowly! What Can I Do?

DTD Episode 24 Show Notes

My Business Partner Moves too Slowly!

Click to download the show notes for the Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 24

DefeatYourDramaIn the Defeat Your Drama segments I will provide solutions based on the information provided.  I will obviously not have full details so will provide customized strategies based on what you share.  Always consider your own specific circumstances before taking any action.  These are suggestions not guarantees.

If you’d like me to share customized strategies for your drama situation go to my website http://podcast.defeatthedrama.com/defeat-your-drama/ .  You can type or record your message.  Use your real name or an alias for anonymity.  Note that recorded or written messages may be used on the podcast.

Ron from Orlando

My partner and I started our business 3 ½ years ago.   The business is doing really well and I love how I get to spend my time.  However, working with my partner has become very challenging.  Whether it’s a big or small decision we move at different speeds.  I like to do a bit of research, make a decision and then move!  He wants to research and read and talk forever!  I’ve been interested in expanding the business into a new market for the last year.  I have done the research and feel like it’s a no brainer!  There’s always risk but I feel confident that we’ll be successful and am ready to move.  He, however, is still not comfortable.  We meet and meet and meet and talk and talk and talk.  I want action!   It’s starting to impact our relationship.  I know he’s just as frustrated with me.  We have a profitable business and I respect him as a person.  The time with him is becoming unbearable, though.   What can we do to make this partnership work better?

Let’s Defeat Your Drama Ron!

I’m sorry that you are feeling so frustrated!

I must start by letting you know that you are not alone.  Believe it or not, most successful partnerships experience this, what I’ll call, tug of war.   And I want to emphasize that I mean “successful.”

The truth is that you need complementary skills and personalities for a successful partnership.  So, while the differences are currently creating frustration, the good news is that together it sounds like you’ve got the right blend to achieve success.

Ron, it sounds like you are a risk taker.  You like to do a bit of due diligence, make a decision and then pull the trigger to get moving.   This is a great way to ignite flexibility in your business.  You can be nimble and react to external forces.   However, unchecked, a business owner or entrepreneur who moves too quickly can make missteps or end up focusing on too much at once.

On the flip side it sounds like your partner is risk-averse and loves the pursuit of information.  I will assume that he often gets lost in research.  Data is his best friend.  He is master of analysis and will investigate the pros the cons and everything in between before taking any action.  Analysis and some good healthy due diligence is important before making any investment or business decision.  However, left unchecked, a leader with this personality can get caught in analysis paralysis.  There is no chance to make swift maneuvers that allow you to be nimble in times of external upheaval.  No way to benefit from unanticipated business opportunities that could prove advantageous.

So, neither style is 100% optimal.  Perfection is found in the blend between the two.

So, the goal is to find the currently frustrating differences more palatable.  To achieve that I recommend the following:

  1. Appreciate:  Rather than feeling frustrated by his slow action, come from a place of appreciation.  You need him to protect you from you.  And he must do the same.  You will come up with the great ideas and push for action while he will pull back on the reigns to assure that there is good due diligence prior to making a change or investing in something new.   The differences are good so be thankful.
  1. Meet in the Middle:  Both of you must commit to live in some amount of discomfort.  He must choose to appreciate the discomfort he feels with the speed at which you’d like to move into new markets, and you with the slow pace of his data rich analysis.  If one of you is fully comfortable you are either moving too quickly or too slowly.  Agree to meet in the middle for what is probably the perfect pace.Do set some ground rules for circumstances where you each commit to allowing the other to win.  Perhaps there is a great opportunity with a tight deadline.  He must put himself in more discomfort to allow for a swifter response.  Likewise, if there is a bigger business move you might have to agree to a more grueling period of data analysis.
  1. Choose to Find Humor:  In every moment we have the power to choose our reaction.  You can choose to feel frustration or you can choose to see the humor.  Choose to appreciate and laugh at your differences rather than building resentments.   Develop some humorous words or phrases that mean “you are driving me crazy” without actually saying that.  Be playful with your differences.  Then laugh together as you relish in your success.

If you’d like to get customized strategies for your drama situation go to DEFEAT YOUR DRAMA to record your details or send a message.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP23: I Choose: Defeat Your Resignation and Victim Mentality Now!

DTD Episode 23 Show Notes

I Choose:
Defeat Your Resignation and
Victim Mentality Now

Click to download the show notes for the Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 23

choicesHave you ever felt like your options were limited?
Whether it’s a missed promotion, business not
going as well as you’d like, or feeling the drain of
burnout that launched you to that place. You begin
to use phrases like “I have to”, “There is no
alternative”, or “you gotta do what you gotta do”
which all leave you feeling powerless. Resignation
sets in and locks us down and we begin to feel like a victim to our circumstance.

The good news! I have a tried and true strategy that you can implement immediately, a simple shift that can change your perspective in a moment. It might seem silly but try it on for size. You’ll be surprised at the dramatic difference it can make. Instead of, “I have to”, adopt the phrase, “I choose!”

Powerfully proclaiming and owning the unhappy or less than ideal circumstance immediately empowers you.

So, if you are hating your job right now and thinking, “I have no choice! I have to keep working here!”

Do a quick reality check. The truth is, you actually do have choices. You don’t “have” to keep working, or stay in that relationship, or stay in the living arrangement, or live in that city.

You could make an immediate change. There would be some negative consequences to making the change but you COULD just never show up to work again.

The most obvious consequence, of course, is the lost income. It might be difficult to find another job while in transition, you might not be able to pay your mortgage or rent, your spouse may be very angry and inspired to take action to make you pay for your actions.

So, you could take that immediate action. Your cost benefit analysis has had you reach the conclusion that it is better for you to stay right now. The reality is you are just CHOOSING not to make a change right now.

Creating the alternative as a possibility, however, immediately generates a sense of freedom.

Choosing isn’t about giving full consideration to the alternatives. It’s about realizing that you do have choices and helps you begin to use a different language to describe your current circumstance. So proclaim it now! I Choose!

Living as a victim is not fun. Feeling empowered to choose your current circumstance allows you to powerfully stay. It unleashes creative energy that you can then use to generate a plan of action to change the less than ideal situation.

I have shared this strategy with many clients who were on the verge of transition. Whether it was a change in job or in relationship status the simple shift helped them choose the current situation to move beyond the energy zapping feeling of being stuck. Over and over I’ve been witness to the immediate change in attitude and the reignited energy that follows. From this empowered place they were able to table a swift, misdirected move while they contemplated objectively their next steps.

It might seem like a silly little exercise but try it on for size and let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear from you!

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP22: My Bad Customer Service Experience: Could it have Been Avoided?

DTD Episode 22 Show Notes

My Bad Customer Service Experience:
Could it have Been Avoided?

Click to download the show notes for the Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 22

bad_customer_serviceRecently I was at a large chain retail store with a tire center.  I’ll let it remain nameless. I needed two new tires before a trip so arrived by about 8:00 AM to drop off the vehicle with the simple instructions to move the front tires back and replace with two new tires. I was told the job would be complete within 45 minutes and I left to begin my day with a plan to pick it back up after some coaching calls.

Approximately 7 hours later I returned with the intent of quickly picking up the van and getting back to my day. As it sat in the parking lot I immediately noticed the state of the tires. Not new! What was up?

The employee who had checked me in that morning walked out to greet me and announced, “We weren’t able to change your tires! There was corrosion blah blah blah and that would be a liability on us. We would need your permission to do the work”

“Why am I just hearing about this now”, I asked?

“We aren’t allowed to call our customers, “ he replied. “Anyway”, he continued, “I told you I would be done in 45 minutes and you’re just now coming back. I would have told you earlier if you had been here earlier.”

All of this made no sense and according to him it was my fault that I had not been informed sooner. And, what, I was supposed to come back 45 minutes later to have the face to face conversation and then wait for the work to be done – or leave again? I didn’t realize he needed me to structure my entire day around being present and available for his updates. Who knew that, in this day and age, providing a cell phone would not guarantee efficient communication to me regardless of my location! I guess this incident is still a bit close to home so my sarcasm is showing……

Is it even worth stating that this is not the optimal way to handle this customer transaction?

In the end everything worked out fine. The Store Manager did a good job of clean up and will continue her investigation. I got a free tire and I’m pretty sure I got at least one new podcast listener out of the deal.   After all, she’s obviously got some drama happening!

So, they were out a tire. They have lost me as a customer for the future. And I must add that there were no other customers in this service department during the drop off or during the entire time I waited for it to be fixed during my second trip there. That should have been a cue to me!! I’m thinking service is an ongoing issue.   That also means that the 3 or so employees they were paying to man the area weren’t bringing in much revenue, if any.   Net loss.

For this very large chain giving away a tire or paying a few employees for unproductive time is a drop in the bucket. But, in a smaller business giving away what would have otherwise been purchased or paying salaries during downtime is a much bigger deal. And in any business having to do either too often will break you.

So, why did they create this experience? Did workplace drama play a role?   How could it have been avoided?

  1. There are hints that this company did not hire the right people. The one employee, in particular, was much more interested in creating down time for himself and blaming me for not waiting than in providing good service. Someone missed the boat during his interview process. Hire for personality not just skills! You can’t teach someone to care about your customers if they are focused on getting out of work. Ask candidates to share examples of a time when they went above and beyond for a customer in the past. They should have some good stories and look for their eyes to light up!
  2. These employees had not been encouraged to be resourceful. One employee made the decision to set a car aside rather than do the work and made the unilateral decision NOT to call me. Why didn’t anyone else take initiative to ask about the lone car sitting in front of the empty service garage? Why did no one investigate the situation and call? It certainly wasn’t because they were busy! A resourceful team would have asked more questions and applied some logic. Someone would have called me to ask whether I’d give the go ahead to change the tires. Teach your team to think creatively and problem solve individually or together. Make sure that employees and leaders alike are charged with solving problems.
  3. There was no focus on great customer service. It was not about completing a job well and delighting me, their customer. They had been allowed to provide sub-standard service and the empty service bays were the just reward. Leaders, create a focus on great service. Make sure every team member knows the importance of jumping in to help a customer. Make top notch service a priority by speaking about it often. Don’t tolerate anything less. Celebrate successes and brainstorm ways to improve always.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP21: What’s Your Life’s Purpose? 2 Simple Steps to Help Reveal Yours

DTD Episode 21 Show Notes

What’s Your Life’s Purpose?
2 Simple Steps to Help Reveal Yours

Click to download the show notes for the Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 21
21smallI believe that each of us is driven by an innate pursuit to create a life of meaning. Sometimes we are not consciously aware of this desire. Many people go through life with the feeling that there must be more. Some are aware of the nudge and seek to fulfill the urge while others push it away, choosing, instead to feel that there is nothing they can do.

We say, I can’t do anything about that, or there’s nothing special about me. I’m just one human being, what difference could I make?

Many people have the yearning to make a difference or know deep down that there is a purpose they are not fulfilling but are unable to discern what that purpose is.

I experienced this more than 10 years ago, before I launched my business. I was a stay at home mom for a few years.   I loved being home with my two boys but I could not shake this overwhelming yearning. I KNEW to the core of my being that there was something I was born to do. I didn’t know what it was. But I knew there was something. At times I would feel anxious. What is it? When can I start? How can I figure it out?

I wanted to know! I wanted to begin. I wanted the desire that grew in me to be fulfilled. But how do you begin a journey when you have no idea of the destination you are aiming for?

Often as I rocked a sleeping baby, I would pop on the television to catch an episode of Oprah. She had a reoccurring segment called “Use Your Life”. You may have seen it yourself. She would invite guests on to share the stories of going from a regular person to someone who felt a huge passion, went out into the world and made a huge impact.

Those segments became so painful for me! I didn’t feel jealous of the people. I wasn’t interested in doing what they had done. I was interested in doing this unknown thing that I had been put on this earth to do.

Tears would stream down my face as I watched and I would hold my breath so I didn’t sob out loud. The pain was unbearable. But, without a specific direction there was no action to take.

I then experienced a catalyst that got me evaluating, analyzing and determining what it was that I was supposed to be doing. My marriage of the time had become abusive and I needed to create an exit strategy. I was a stay at home mom with no means to support two boys and myself

I began to evaluate my strengths, passions, and experiences. I created a mission.

Out of that period my coaching business was born! I am happy to report that I no longer have those unbearable yearnings. I am certain that I am doing the work that I was put on this earth to do! I may not be 100% at the bulls eye but I am in the zone!

If you’ve had this yearning towards a goal unknown I want to give you some steps to help you gain some clarity.

I have a simple two-step process that I have shared with many clients experiencing since then. I want to share it here with you now.

I believe that passion is the litmus test that tells us that we heading in the right direction. Passion is also the fuel that generates tenacity and a single-minded focus.

I believe that we are all given gifts to use in service to others. You might use these gifts as part of your vocation or maybe as a volunteer.   Often we minimize our gifts. Because they come easily to us we assume that other people can easily do what we do as well. I often hear clients say, “yes, but that’s no big deal. Everyone can do that!”

To that I answer, “no, they can’t!”

Step #1

Think about the activities that you love to do. How do you love to spend your time? What tasks would you do for free? What activities can you do for hours but leave you feeling as if only 10 minutes have elapsed?

Gifts come easily to us.   There’s an ease, a knowing. It’s just who we are. It feels natural and gives you energy to spend your time that way.

Do some brainstorming about the things you love to do. Don’t let the creativity be thwarted by thoughts of, “yeah, but I can’t make money doing that.” This isn’t necessarily about starting a business or changing careers. It may have nothing to do with your vocation.

It also isn’t necessarily a requirement to move to India to help orphans to fulfill your purpose. Don’t worry about logistics, logic or anything else. Just create your lists. You never know what you’ll come up with.

You may also want to ask the opinions of trusted advisors in your life. Ask them, “what do you see in me that I might not be seeing in myself?”

This was part of my process and I found it very helpful. During my research I had 3 trusted advisors tell me that I should be a coach within the course of two weeks! This was about 11 years ago and I was not in the work world at the time so I had definitely not heard that term. I decided it was an avenue I’d better explore, however. As soon as I read the first definition I thought, “Wow, I’ve been accidentally doing this my whole entire life!”

See, I have this innate ability to see people for who they are. I see them through their issues, junk brokenness. I can hear stories of all kinds and respond without judgment. I also see relationships and where breakdowns in communication happen. I understand the filters people are seeing the world through.

In high school my friends called me the Ann Landers of the school. I had motivational quotes all over my bedroom and I never let people say negative things about themselves in my presence.

My trusted advisors saw something in me that I didn’t know was unique. And they were able to attach my gifts to a professional opportunity that I didn’t even know existed!

If you don’t have trusted advisors make sure to listen to my episode number 11 where I share the specific characteristics that a trusted advisor must have to give wise counsel. http://podcast.defeatthedrama.com/ep11-7-key-characteristics-of-a-great-trusted-advisor/

What are your gifts?   Start with a blank sheet of paper or a Word document and start your list!

So, that’s step one. Gifts are not the only variable to the equation, so let’s move on to step two.

Step #2

I believe that each of us feels calls to action. Different circumstances will ignite this internal rising. That thought of “How can something like this exist in the world?” Or, “someone needs to do something about this!”

That someone may be you.

Stop and think for a bit about times when you’ve felt a call to action around a news story or a happening in the world. Maybe you saw a Facebook post or a friend shared an experience. You may have taken some action or written a check to support a cause. Or, perhaps, you just let the moment pass and moved on to your normal daily activities.

That feeling you had, that rising, is unique to you. No, you aren’t the only one in the world who feels a call to action around the cause or incident. But, not everyone has the same reaction that you did. It is your unique reaction.

If you look back through a lifetime you will likely see patterns to the instances where you felt incensed or concerned.   Seek to find the patterns of population and issues that caused the reaction.

So, for instance, one of my clients is drawn to concerns of the earth. She speaks and posts about Fracking constantly. She is consumed with the health of the earth.

Others feel a call to action when they hear stories of the elderly being taken advantage of or for elders who can not pay for their medicine. For some it is babies or drug addicts or puppies or horses or the solar system. Maybe it’s students who don’t have access to books or technology or malnourished puppies.

I feel driven to help where relationships are struggling or, you might have guessed, where drama is overshadowing the goals of a business or non-profit. I feel incensed when entitled employees seek to avoid work. I feel empathy when leaders feel unable to make their visions happen or where individuals struggle to find focus and tenacity.

I am lucky! I am using my gifts in the way I feel called.

I’ve now helped hundreds of individuals work through this brainstorm and I can’t think of one instance where the combination of gifts and call to action were duplicated.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher