Live and Lead For Impact Podcast with Kirsten E Ross

EP 158 Leading While Your Message Makes Some Mad


Congratulations on the choice to invest in you and your business

My hope is that you are taking in the information I share here and then getting in action

Digest
Ponder
Apply
Act

NO analysis paralysis

 

Today I’m going to cover……….a mindset shift strategy

The goal is that by the end of our quick time together you will have the motivation needed to hurdle into the discomfort of change and the specific steps to take if this area is a challenge for you

I know from questions I’ve received and work with thousands of leaders over years that increasing team follow through is a focus for many

Over the course of almost 30 years I have worked with MANY leaders who love to keep everyone happy – great goal – but it doesn’t always jive with leadership…..or parenting for that matter – and there are, ironically, some similarities

The goal is the find business success – and it isn’t always possible to achieve that AND keep everyone happy – that’s Reality

I always say, you are who you are in your work and in your life – we can work on one and we’ll impact both.  This has tended to hold especially true when it comes to people pleasing – 

Here are some clues that you might be avoiding conversations or messages that might make people mad

  • You tell yourself that employees and volunteers should just know what to do. 
  • You’ve resigned yourself to the belief that if you want things done right – or done at all you just have to do them yourself
  • You are constantly overwhelmed
  • You have resentment building inside towards members of your team
  • You are afraid to have performance correction conversations – OR – you tell yourself you don’t have time for the conversations…..excuses win – eventually you say….now it’s been too long it would be weird to bring it up now
  • You stuff your feelings or are not even aware of them – Maybe you aren’t even certain what I mean when I ask about your feelings
    You minimize your own wants and needs
    You excuse or justify away your need to speak up

If this is you –  you are not alone! 

I can’t count the number of times I’ve had clients tell me, I just want everyone to be happy.  I’m just really nice.

Generally, what are they doing to try to keep everyone happy?  avoiding tough conversations, lying, withholding information, manipulating circumstances, saying yes to way too many tasks……which all lead to overwhelm, resentment, frustration.

And there are many unintended consequences, beyond the personal build-up of resentments, overwhelm, frustrations, disappointments, chaos that comes with trying to keep everyone around you happy so that you can feel okay.  The lost energy spent to track modified messages, make things happen covertly, stuffing true feelings while plastering a smile.

Yes, beyond these personal consequences are these:

Unintended Consequences:

You Rob Others of their Opportunity to Excel – They have no idea you’d like them to do better or be different.  By staying silent or complaining only to others you are robbing them of the chance to choose different actions.

REMEMBER employees want to feel like they are doing a good job – MOST want the TRUTH…..if you are telling them nothing OR – only telling them what they want to hear they are not sure if they really are doing a good job AND……

How often are you saying, I just don’t have time to have that correction conversation?

You are Effectively Allowing Employees to Make Decisions for the Business

If they show up late, leave early or take longer lunches they are setting work hours

If they fail to follow the processes you’ve outlined or use the new piece of equipment they are designing how work should happen

If they are staying on cell phones, having bad attitudes with your customers or patients, they are making those business decisions for you.

If they decide deadlines by missing yours – those are business decisions they are making 

And it is highly likely that your employees

  1.  Don’t have the same perspective, breadth of information, knowledge, insight that you do as a leader
  2. May not be putting the interest of the business ahead of their own…..

People can’t trust you: – Yep, that’s right!  Whether it’s just a deep down feeling they carry or something they know to be true for certain, those around you can’t trust your words.  You say you are fine, but are you really?  You say you can help, but will you actually show?  You say you’re happy with their achievements, but have they really done enough?

So many of my clients have been in this situation – in every instance once they started speaking up transformation happened – quickly

Angry employee story – resigned

Another instance – after some push back – during the period of transition when they thought they could still make the rules – employee got on board – productivity up!  Investment in a good employee saved and ROI increased as work aligned with business objectives

Do you feel motivated to make the change that you must?

Here are 5 Steps to Stop Your People Pleasing

  1. Collect the Pain: Begin to notice where you feel resentment, disappointment towards others.  Notice when you are overwhelmed and frustrated.  Pay attention to all the times you put your agenda aside for someone else’s emergency or request.  FEEL inward
  2. Determine What You Want/Need:  It may have been a while since you thought about what you wanted.  Practice doing some check ins throughout the day. Determine whether you are pretending to be happy or if you really are.
  3. Start Speaking Up:  Begin having at least small correction conversations with your employees -cell phones out, lack of follow through on a small project…..no to requests where appropriate and start asking for help from others.  Set clear expectations for your employees.  Provide constructive feedback where necessary.
  4. Gather Successes: As you speak up have a correction conversation, ask for help or say no and get a good response, take note.  Remember all the times that your feared outcome did not happen.  Start with people who are easier to speak with.  Then work towards tackling the tougher employees – the ones who use stay stuck strategies to design their own work  – NOTE – be careful that you aren’t focusing on feedback to your rockstars too long though….Remember they take feedback well and it’s easier but if you stay in this phase too long they are frustrated. 
  5. Build Momentum:  Continue to speak up as you build enthusiasm and feel empowered. Enjoy the feeling and keep going!

 

 

Learn the Delegation Strategies I’ve shared with THOUSANDS and get your team to do what you need! Grab a copy of my EBook, The Six Simple Steps to Great Delegation

DefeatTheDrama.com/DelegationSheet

 

Kirsten Ross Vogel is an author, podcast host and CEO of Focus Forward Coaching where we help leaders 

 

  • defeat team drama 
  • to 4X productivity, 
  • wow their customers 
  • and improve their bottom line 
  • with simple, actionable strategies, systems, communication hacks and mindset shifts.

EP 154 3 Keys to Retaining Your Rockstars

EP 154 3 Keys to Retaining Your Rockstars – OR The Triple A Method

You Can NOT compensate your way out of a bad work environment….you can for a period but….it’s a downward spiral and eventually your rock star will be recruited away either for more money – after all, in the end they were only with you for money – they loved what you were up to but the environment was intolerable……

Or….they’ll be recruited away for a better opportunity – maybe even for less money…..

Key Foundational Assumptions – You’ll hear me say this over and over – all

Feel like they are doing a good job
Known, Acknowledged, Appreciated
Feel like their life is part of something bigger than themselves

Here’s the Triple A Method (AAA)

Appreciation

See them
Thank them
Give them special attention – too often I see leaders worried about employees feeling bad if they aren’t getting recognition. PLEASE do NOT design your recognition program in a way that minimizes discomfort for your non-performers…..Do that and guess who is feeling uncomfortable. Yes, of course, your rockstars! Who work hard and then feel invisible.

You want an environment where authentic praise and recognition is abundant. If an employee desires to have more recognition help them strategize about how they can modify their work or behavior to EARN what they desire.

Accountability

Take one quick minute to visualize your lowest performing employee – I know you know who they are – now visualize what your business, office, department would run like if everyone performed at their same level – Yes, this is where I get the uncomfortable laughs……

what would happen?

Guess who is picking up the slack for their poor performance – Assuring that what you just envisioned DOES NOT happen….Likely YOU – And….Your Rock Stars – and they are building resentment and beginning to burn out – and guess who has more opportunity out in the world

Your Rockstars are jumping up and down at least figuratively and possibly literally when they see you hold people accountable
When your leadership style lacks accountability your rockstars are likely part of the formula that sustains the business – the ones picking up the slack
Too often rockstars are held to a higher standard – Here’s what I see far too often – A leader starts thinking…..hmmmmmmm…I haven’t had any correction conversations with people in a while – well guess who’s easiest to talk to – the Rockstar who appreciates constructive feedback BUT – if you start talking to them too often about the miniscule thing they did wrong while you let the low performers slide – they will start to build frustration, resentment and more….and you’ll have them walking out the door.

Your high performing employees will leap for joy if you start holding people accountable! You don’t need to start everyone on a discipline path. Just hit a reset. Put everyone on notice that these are the expectations and you need everyone the team to hit the bar you set. If some continue to fall short, and they will until they realize you are serious, you’ll sit down individually to communicate the gap you are seeing and create a plan for improvement. If the issues continue then start to walk the discipline path.

Advancement

High performing employees love to achieve. Give them plenty of opportunities to Advance as they work for you – Otherwise their motivation to grow can have them walking out the door. If you lead a smaller, flat organization, Don’t worry, there are ways beyond a promotion to help someone advance.

Advance Skills – what skills could take them to the next level? What skills would they love to learn? What skills will they need in the next position? Map it out and help them build those skills
Advance Coaching or Mentoring Opportunities – align them with a personal resource that can elevate their work and life game. Rockstars have high aspirations and coaching and mentoring can help them gain clarity and overcome personal barriers to achieving.
Advance Chance to Train Others – Finding these opportunities can create a real win win – Your Rockstars have mad skills and will feel honored that you trust them to share their knowledge with others. A little caution here, however……I encourage you to give a monetary bonus or some other compensation to reward them if they’ll be doing a lot of training. Resentments can build if they perceive you are benefiting from their skill without rewarding them.
Advance chance to Shadow
Advance chance to meet leaders in your organization – Or network with industry leaders outside the organization =- in other words, networking. Pay for their membership, give them time to attend and pay for some events.
Advance chance to Represent the Organization – Events, Booths
Advance in the company – Promotion

Learn the Delegation Strategies I’ve shared with THOUSANDS and get your team to do what you need! Grab a copy of my EBook, The Six Simple Steps to Great Delegation
DefeatTheDrama.com/DelegationSheet

Kirsten Ross Vogel is an author, podcast host and CEO of Focus Forward Coaching where we help leaders

defeat team drama
to 4X productivity,
wow their customers
and improve their bottom line
with simple, actionable strategies, systems, communication hacks and mindset shifts.

Ready for some individualized help for your leadership challenges? Grab a spot on my calendar and let’s discuss how I can help you transform your leadership and your team.
DefeattheDrama.com/Call