F It For Impact – Form Your Foundation (2-5)
EP 134: F It for Impact – Fuel Your Fortitude – 1 of 4
F it For Impact – Fuel Your Fortitude #1 In a Series
Commit and just don’t quit – Don’t give yourself the out – Table the Decision – don’t waste time pondering
Every day I learn new things
It will get easier
I will find a way
I haven’t tried all the possible ways yet
Play it like a game – have fun while you try new things – see what you can make happen
Here are the trip ups to avoid to help you fuel your fortitude
- Know that Perfect Timing is a Myth – Sometimes you have the commitment BUT – you need to commit to action – NOT just committing to commit – Don’t delay action until you feel ready – get in research mode- feel like you have to have it all figured out first – you won’t know everything until you just do it – It’s okay to figure things out as you go – unitl the kids are back in school or the sun begins to shine – WRITING MY FIRST BOOK
- Instant Gratification is Mostly a Myth
- Bill Gates said, “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in 10.
- Impact takes time – commit to the specific steps you must take daily, weekly, monthly and just keep going.
- If you have kids you know you had to wait for that first smile – that first little positive reinforcement while you fed, changed, burped, walked…..
- Blogging, podcasting – anything where you are working to connect with people – can feel like it’s going out into a black hole – invisible – but…often people are watching, noticing….it takes time
- Most famous people had years of struggle before you knew them. Much of what you see is the end result of years of sacrifice – to US it’s instant fame but that is rarely the reality
- Your Why – I have my Objectives – WHY I participate in Network Marketing – Not heart centered – more practical – and then my WHY – Objectives also help and can be good when speaking to people – different things to pull from:
- Solo Preneur 15 years – provides a team of goal oriented people into personal development – hard to find – NM provides that environment
- Help More People – Coach, Speak, Motivate
- An additional Stream of Income –
And then the WHY – Heart Centered – More than money – what that money or time freedom can do – MUST include an element of serving others – When speaking with others they need to feel that a part of your purpose is about them – This will also have you speak in a way that gives them freedom to say yes or no – to decide for themselves if it’s right for them.
- Run Your Own Race – don’t compare –
- Burn the Boat – Remove other options – earn the auto bonus, get the car
- Downturn in the economy – single mom and business owner – started also looking for a job – realized – needed full focus on biz – couldn’t get my heart into working for someone else – my time and energy was divided – full force – highest earnings to date that next year
Are you struggling with difficult relationships?
Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap
EP 133: We Are More Similar than We Know – He’s On a Mission to Ignite Unity Through our Stories An Interview with Kenneth Williams Jr.
We Are More Similar than We Know – He’s On a Mission to Ignite Unity Through our Stories
Connect with Kenneth Williams on Linked In:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kenneth-j-williams-jr-m-a-b8263266
Kenneth recently graduated from Michigan State University with a Master’s degree in Public Relations and a specialization in Nonprofit Fundraising.
In the fall of 2017, Kenneth was selected to be a Forbes under 30 Scholar.
Kenneth earned his Bachelor’s Degree in Communication with a minor in Leadership and Integrated Learning from Michigan State University in May of 2016. He has extensive experience in various sectors of Public Relations including nonprofits, technology and crisis communication. Additionally, Kenneth has studied abroad in Mexico, Belize and China whilst also being a published author. He was also on MSU’s Homecoming Court.
He contributed a section to an anthology published by the MSU libraries.
Kenneth’s mission is to connect people through story telling. He is passionate about the power of shared experiences. He has spent his life writing and sharing stories and learned early that, even when people seem very different, they can connect when they see themselves through someone else’s experiences.
One of his biggest challenges was dealing with the loss of his grandfather, who was always his biggest cheerleader. He also struggles to maintain a good sense of his worth. He works to know his value without feeling arrogant.
To overcome tough times he prayers every day. His favorite verse is Luke 12:32. He knows that he should not have fear. God seeks to bless him beyond what he can imagine.
He encourages others to learn to love themselves and says that no one should curb their brilliance out of fear of fueling someone else’s insecurities. –Be Boss-
Get Your Free Relationship Renovation Roadmap Tool:
DefeatTheDrama.com/roadmap
EP 130: The Myth Of Perfect Timing – Live and Lead For Impact
The Myth Of Perfect Timing
Are you struggling with difficult relationships?
Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap
So often when I’m working with clients they share the list of things they’d love to make happen in their lives….. closely followed by all of the excuses for why they cannot start. Often the excuse list can be boiled down to one short phrase, “The timing is not perfect.”
If this is you, I hate to break it to you but, as for perfect timing….…there is no such thing!
If you want to live and lead for impact, you’ve got to know this to your core! If not, you’ll waiting a long time for your impact and so will the world!
I have a good friend who is a project manager for a large, international company. They pull the best of the best of the best to work on their projects….the best minds, best talent, best resources from across the world. And, even they have never found the perfect time or had the perfect launch.
I look back on my life and there were MANY times when I just pushed forward rather than pressing pause when timing was far from perfect and I can say with certainty I have no regret about starting when I did for any of them
For instance, I remember deciding to write my first book.
At the time, I knew nothing about writing or publishing. I didn’t even know how many words or 8 ½ x 11 pages in a Word document would equal enough pages for a book. I had to call a friend who’d recently had a book published through Wiley, Corey Perlman. I asked him….so, how do you know when you have enough content?
He shared the number of words he’d been given as a goal and the number he’d ended up with. Based on the information he shared, I decided I’d celebrate as soon as I hit 25,000 words. When I did and still had plenty more to write about I knew I had a book!
I still had a lot more to figure out beyond the word count too: Self Publish or look for a traditional publisher, editing, covers, formatting, indexing and more.
I was also a single mom with 2 young boys. None of this made it the optimal time.
So, I just started. I didn’t focus on any of the end of project tasks and instead just made a commitment to get up every morning at 5:30 AM to write.
My first book came out in 2010, the next, 2012, then 2016 and 2017. And, each time it has gotten easier and easier because I’ve learned so much along the way that I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t just started.
Similarly, when I was part of a team starting a ministry we talked about delaying launch until we did some more research, tweaked a bit more. But, the truth was, there really wasn’t more to learn from research. Many of our questions could only be answered by doing. There would never be a perfect time.
And then when I think about starting my coaching business almost 15 years ago. Talk about not the perfect time…and yet, I’ve loved every minute of it and know that I’ve positively impacted so many people and companies.
I started that business on the heels of an abusive marriage! I’d spent years being berated and told I was worthless, lazy and a sham. I was about to be a new single mom and had no family support. The income from my new business needed to support myself and two young boys.
My ducks weren’t in a row, they were all over the place!
And, yet….I started. I had spoken to a few trusted advisors in my life and they had helped me identify my unique abilities. I took a self study course, created a business name and website and launched!
A couple of years ago I added a second business as an extra income source. It’s well aligned with what I was already doing and I loved that I would have the chance to spend time with motivated, goal-oriented people, something that I miss, at times, while working for myself.
My kids were both going through major health challenges. Once again, it was not the optimal time to launch a new endeavor or meet a new team. But….I jumped.
These are just a few examples. I’m sure I could share more. But you get it.
I can tell you that in not one instance do I regret moving forward during a time when things were far from perfect.
And, I know I’ve made an impact on this world each time I moved past discomfort to start or create a new something when it wasn’t the perfect time.
What if I’d robbed the world of my impact while I waited for all the stars to align?
What have you been pressing pause on? Is it something for you, your family or your health? Maybe it’s something you’d like to learn or train for, a trip you’d like to take. Is there a new business on your brain?
Whatever it is just start! The Perfect time will never happen. Why is today’s barrier to perfection any worse than the one you’ll have tomorrow?
Don’t rob the world of your plan, don’t rob your life of your plan.
To what will you commit to today to put your plan in action?
Today commit to taking the first step and tomorrow take one more. Before you know it you’ll be well on your way and looking back with a feeling of satisfaction and a smile. Impact made or lessons learned. Either way a life enriched by a chance you took.
Are you struggling with difficult relationships?
Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap
EP 129: He Grew Up In A Tough Area Playing Basketball and Now Lives to Serve. An Interview with Vid Lamonte’ Buggs Jr.
He Grew Up In A Tough Area Playing Basketball and Now Lives to Serve
An Interview with Vid Lamonte’ Buggs Jr.
Vid Lamonte’ Buggs Jr is an Athlete. Scholar. Entrepreneur. Philanthropist. Bestselling Author. Speaker. Poet. Consultant. Volunteer. Coach. A modern-day “Renaissance man,”
Vid Buggs is a man of diverse interests who directs his many talents towards bringing people together, encouraging them to look past their differences to unite to make the world a better place.
Vid and his companies 4-U-Nique Publishing and VLB/VBJ Enterprises have been featured in several publications including USA Weekly, Huffington Post, and Forbes. Find out more about Vid at www.vidbuggs.com
Vid grew up in an area where the life expectancy for males was only 29 years. And, he grew up in the United States, in a place many visit for the beautiful beaches. I was shocked to learn that he was talking about the Virginia Beach area. The area has many port cities where incomes are tied to the US military. There are drug problems, high murder rates, and many low-income families.
Vid has beat the odds, but had to power through a childhood filled with people telling him he couldn’t….they thought he wouldn’t run….and yet he went on to play professional basketball. And teachers filled his mind with Don’t Do’s, but never replaced the void with what TO do. How could he dream and set big goals?
He took on a Warrior Mindset with a focus on Faith, Determination and Perseverance. He now lives to fulfill his mission of instilling these important life skills into children and adults. As a coach to young athletes he shares basketball skills, but more importantly, tenacity!
He also seeks to bring people together and minimize the division we have in our world. He wants to overcome what divides us as we focus on the plenty that we share in common. He shares his important messages through speaking and writing. He also helps other authors get their important messages out for impact.
His biggest internal challenge has been his battle with perfectionism and his largest external challenge is being a minority in America. When he walks into a room, stigma follows and he must work 10 times harder as a result. In tough times he remembers those who came before him and worked through their own struggles and he also relies heavily on his faith, turning to the Bible for strength and perseverance. With his focus there he can get up and keep moving to overcome his next challenge.
For others who are working to make their impact, he shares that you must continue to take intentional and meaningful action. Start small. Small builds and the ripple will eventually create a wave. Just keep moving!
Still struggling with difficult relationships?
Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap
Wishing you a life of joy, balance, passion & purpose!
EP 128: I Learned a Life Lesson from my Car! Where Does your Life Need a Tune Up?
I Learned a Life Lesson from my Car!
Where Does your Life Need a Tune Up?
Still struggling with difficult relationships?
Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap
I actually wrote about this life lesson learned from my car a few years back and as I’m revisiting it now had to laugh. My son is currently on his way to get HIS car fixed with a similar issue. He waited until the emergency situation placed on the side of the expressway calling AAA for service. I’d been telling him for weeks he needed to get it looked at. He didn’t listen and look…..neither did I….
Here’s my similar story with the life lessons it taught me…..
My car had had some issues. I had to keep refilling the coolant reservoir. I assumed that it was leaking, though I didn’t know for sure. I’m not a big car person. I don’t really enjoy dealing with anything to do with my car other than getting in and driving it where I need to go. Beyond that I don’t want to take any time on it. I try to avoid talking about it, getting work done on it, pumping gas into it, filling the tires or even shopping for a new one! As long as the car I have can fulfill its basic function for me I’m good to go.
Over time the coolant issue got worse and worse and I had to spend a bit more time and money dealing with my car. I had to buy coolant and add it. At first I needed to add it about once a month, then once every couple weeks, then once a week. Finally I was adding coolant two times per week. The gage I used was my air conditioning or heat (yes, this went on for months!). When the air conditioner or heater blew out warm air rather than cold or hot I knew that it was time to add more coolant.
It was working for me. I knew deep down that I was spending a lot on coolant but I just didn’t feel like taking the extra time necessary to figure out what was really wrong. I was just using the band aid method, coaxing the car along doing the bare minimum to keep it driving for me. It was fulfilling its basic function so I just kept going with it.
Then one morning I went out to my trusty vehicle to drive my two boys to school. The car failed me! It would not start. I checked the fluid. I had just filled it. I didn’t think that low fluid was a reasonable hypothesis since it had been bone dry many times with no starter issues, but it was worth a try. That tapped my knowledge base. I had a car that was no longer fulfilling its basic function. I was finally forced into real action. I called the mechanic who makes house calls.
The starting issue ended up being nothing more than a dead battery, an easy fix. The leak, however, was a disintegrating radiator. Once the mechanic removed it, he ran his hand down it to show me all of the little metal fins just falling away. He said that it had been on the verge of failing altogether. It would not have been drivable. Coolant would have gushed all over. There would have been nothing to fill. I was now thankful for the dead battery. It stopped my car from working and made me take the time to figure out what was really wrong. Out of sheer luck, I was at home rather than on the side of the road somewhere.
It got me thinking. How often do we do this in our lives? As long as something is still working, at least barely, we don’t put the time or energy necessary to address it at all. We live with mediocrity rather than shooting for greatness. We limp along rather than soaring. We put time and energy into a band aid but nothing more. And if we are lucky, a smaller issue will pop up to give us a wakeup call before catastrophe strikes. So, what in your life needs more attention? Where do you need a wake up call?
Are you just skating at work but feel like, hey, the job still pays the bills? When is the last time you put extra energy at work? When did you put not just your time but your passion into your work? When did you last feel gratitude towards your boss, your subordinates or peers?
Or, maybe it’s your own business. Are you feeling frustrated while you fail to do what you must to really succeed?
Is your relationship with your significant other just a partnership of convenience? Where have you set the bar? Do you figure If the house gets semi-clean and there are some clean clothes, you both must be doing something right? That’s good enough. When is the last time you had a date together? When did you last feel passion? When did you feel an air of gratitude? When is the last time you took a moment to appreciate the fact that your partner is in your life? When did you last say, “I appreciate you”, with words or a gesture? What energy is going to this important relationship to make it great? Wouldn’t a rocking relationship be a better bar to set? What would that feel like?
Does stress fill your life? Are you slapping the band aid of alcohol or sleeping pills to keep going the way you’re going? Who do you need to say no to with grace? How do you need to revamp your expectations of yourself? Are you shooting for that impossible goal of perfection? What resentments are you carrying? Where do you need to have a voice? Where are you making assumptions that just increase your anger?
Do you have a health issue that you just work around? I have to admit to that I have done this. Are you putting a band aid on an issue? What if it’s your tiny wake up call, the one that will come before catastrophe hits? How can you get your body in motion? What are you fueling your body with? When did you have your last check-up? What health screenings have you put off as unimportant?
Are you just tolerating your kids? Are they something to be dealt with, just another chore? When is the last time you celebrated them? Where can you pour more energy into their lives? What wisdom can you teach? How can you shower love on them? Where do you need to pull back the reigns and pay attention to their lives? Who are they hanging out with, what do they do?
What in your life is slowly getting worse and worse? What are you putting a band aid on rather than actually fixing? What would it feel like to put full energy on fixing something rather than partial energy on band-aiding? Where does your energy need to go before your kids are lost, your marriage falls apart, your health fails you, your boss fires you or your business fails?
Let this be your wake up call. You are a limited resource created for impact. Learn this lesson from my car. Take action now. It’s time for you to soar!
EP 126: 6 Quick Questions to Help You Capture Time and Decrease Stress
EP 126: 6 Quick Questions to Help You Capture Time and Decrease Stress
Do you have some lingering relationships … …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…
……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.
Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap I can’t wait to show you how!
Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out!
I think it’s pretty safe to assume that, if you are working to make an impact, life is busy! You are almost certainly juggling, coordinating and prioritizing life, relationships, self-care, hiccups, money-making endeavors, impact activities, if the two are not intertwined, and then all of the extra activities that surround any and all of the above.
Most of us would probably say, “life is busy, but good!”
While you are increasing your bandwidth, however, it is so important to minimize stress. Busy and energized is great but stress takes the energy to a negative place. Overwhelm is never good and stress takes a toll on our impact, our bodies and our lives.
I always say, you can live that way for a sprint, but not a marathon!
Here are 6 quick questions. Answer them and then take action to move from overwhelm to calm – or at least calmer!
- What can you stop doing?
Are there rules that you live with in your house because you grew up that way? Your mom made you do it so now you have to? Rules about laundry, making the bed, dinners and more…..sit back and start fresh. Can you relax some rules you have for you?
I still remember the dinner I made when my boys were little……”Oh mom! You are the BEST cook! You should have your own cooking show!” My fancily cooked cuisine?
Tomato soup and grilled cheese – I think it’s safe to say they were easily wowed –
I’ve been a huge fan of my crock pot for years and Dump Recipes are amazing. Drop the contents in a freezer bag, throw it in the freezer standing up. Pull it out to place it in the crock pot first thing in the morning. Fire up the rice cooker for a side and the meal is ready to go!
Remember…..I’ve always done this….does not have to lock you in for a lifetime.
Also consider, What committees are you on? What volunteering are you doing?
How much time are you spending on social media or watching junk tv? Now, I have nothing against either and I’m not saying you must stop it all – but, let’s get real, either can become time suckers. Netflix couldn’t make it any easier to binge watch for hours. And scrolling social media for a few moments can turn into hours without any thought.
Take a look at your time with fresh eyes and let nothing be off limits. Keep track for a week or so. If you have an iPhone, check the stats they now provide for how you’re spending time on you phone.
What will you stop doing?
Where can you lower expectations?
There are different seasons of life. Did you create some expectations for yourself, your home, your family that made great sense during a calmer time?
Making your impact or maneuvering through any busy time of life with some amount of peace requires recalibrating expectations to better fit the time.
I still remember when, as a single mom, I had to lower my expectations for our pool. I’d always been proud of how sparkly blue I could keep it. Well, once the full complement of responsibilities fell on me as a single who hadn’t downsized the home it was no longer realistic to keep the pool that way. There are only so many hours in a day and some things had to give – Good enough had to be good enough.
Where are you holding tight to unrealistic expectations that are not a fit for your circumstance? Are they causing extra pressure, stress and discouragement? Give yourself relief by adjusting where you must.
What can you outsource?
Make a list of the activities you don’t like to do or aren’t good at and farm out what you can.
I’m not just talking about hired help. Is there anyone in your household who could take on additional duties? Do you have kids old enough to start doing or chores, or, if doing some, can they take on more? Now….I get it, this may also plop you back into the question above….where can you lower expectations? Are you one of those, it has to be done exactly how I want it or it will drive me nuts people? If so…lowering expectations and learning to live with good enough or different is fine may need to be part of your solution.
And then what CAN you hire out or trade for?
There’s an endless list. If you don’t have money to outsource, perhaps you can trade some services. If you do outsource, be intentional with the time you capture.
Lawn and landscaping?
Cleaning
Laundry
Driving Kids
Cooking
Clerical Activities
Basic accounting duties
Marketing and Social Media
Emails and Schedules
Tutors
How will you capture your list?
The written or typed lists are essential! If you don’t get it out the list sits in your head. If it sits in your head you have to keep rehearsing it to make sure you aren’t forgetting anything. I know you are laughing right now because you’ve done it or are doing it now!
Rehearsing a list makes you less productive in the moment and stressed. Your mind will think that there is an endless number of tasks. And you will be afraid of forgetting something. It will also rob you of sleep. Lying in bed when your mind is supposed to be quiet is the prime time for rehearsal. Get it out of your head and on paper into a digital format!
How can you chunk down large projects?
Good from a practical standpoint. You can only do so much at once anyway. Unless your life is different from most, you’ll never get large projects done if you tell yourself you need a solid week of uninterrupted time. BUT….you can finish pieces of a project 15, 30 or 90 minutes at a time.
Chunking down makes it easier to fill in fragments of time with pieces of your priorities list. Apps like Toodledo will even help you sift to find tasks by time.
Chunking down also helps you focus only on what’s next. This is really helpful! I used to feel the full weight of a project until it was all done. That added way too much stress. In a large project there is going to be an order to tasks. If you’re on step 3 but worrying a feeling the weight of step 20 as if it’s gotta happen now, you’re increasing your stress exponentially. I know from personal experience. I had to learn to chunk it down AND put the later tasks to the side in my mind. Look at what’s in front of me now not what’s coming.
What should be prioritized first? Knowing what you need to get done is step one. Step 2 is prioritizing it all to fit into the time you have in a way that gets it done on time. Use your time with intention.
When I’m prioritizing I pay attention to my energy. I know that my most creative time is earlier in the day so prioritize tasks that require more focus into earlier time slots.
I also consider what’s happening in the world. You won’t see me at a Costco on the weekend. I can go there during slower times so choose to do that instead.
I hope these questions will help you capture some productive time. I can’t wait to see the impact you make with the new found time!
Still struggling with difficult relationships?
Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap
Wishing you a life of joy, balance, passion & purpose!
EP 124: 3 Secrets to Stopping the Constant Complainer Whining Only Works on You If You Let it
3 Secrets to Stopping the Constant Complainer
Whining Only Works on You If You Let it
Do you have some lingering relationships … …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…
……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.
Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap I can’t wait to show you how!
Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out!
Your plugging along working and feeling productive with a vision of an on time exit from work when you look up to see the Workplace Whiner standing in your doorway. Or, perhaps you work from home and the constant complainer enters your space via phone.
Oh No!! Not now! Not today!
The energy-zapping, soul-sucking minutes that can drag into an hour. Time you can never get back. You want to scream, slam the door in their face, or end the call, but you don’t want them to feel bad……or walk around complaining about you!
Years ago, when I worked in an office full time we had an employee who walked around for hours every day holding a coffee mug. We called the mug his “decoy”. He’d make it appear as though he was just out on a quick jaunt to refill, but this was obviously not his true mission. Office by office he’d stop in for his chat, sharing tidbits he’d heard along the way. He was also known as the department spy.
Whiners and complainers can take many forms. They can be frustrated about co-workers or personal injustices. Whatever the topic, they are breeding drama wherever they go. They aren’t just looking for an ear to get through a tough time. They are built to look for the issue, the challenge, the drama. If a frustration isn’t easy to find, they’ll flip a story to become victim, wronged yet again.
Your whiner may be at work, or perhaps provide service at a place you frequent. Are they a friend who calls nightly to share their woes?
Many of my clients struggle to avoid whiners. Here are some of the key strategies I share with them. Pick the one that feels right for you and your circumstance.
- This one is the least direct but usually yields a good result. A quick excuse stated as you focus intently on your screen or head out the door. “I’m so sorry. I’m on a deadline so can chat for 5 minutes but no more. What’s up?”
I don’t condone lying. So, I’m not really suggesting that you say you are on a deadline when you aren’t. I just think it’s safe to assume that, whether at work or moving through life, there is always some kind of priority looming. Just fill in the blank with the actual time frame or leave it out altogether if you prefer to make an instant get away.
- This option is one that will achieve your end result over time. Ultimately, any whiner is looking for the sympathetic ear. That person who will commiserate with their opinions and validate their misery. They are intentional about their targets. It’s no fun to whine to someone who is coming back at you with butterflies and sunshine, or worse, someone who’ll share strategies or specific actions the whiner could take to improve the situation!!They aren’t looking for a new perspective. No, they seek someone to join them in their funk. So, I suggest that you begin sharing ideas about the more positive perspective they might consider as they describe their negative view. Or, share how wonderful you think that situation sounds or how they might improve the situation with a proactive approach. You won’t be the chosen one for long if you don’t empathize or commiserate. I promise!
No beating around the bush with this one. The more direct approach that will earn you the quickest retreat is to simply state that you have made it your personal goal to remain focused on all things positive. You’ve given up watching the news and will be happy to engage in problem solving activities but are committed to steering clear of complaining or any other negative, low energy inputs. It will be immediately obvious to even the most self-absorbed whiner that you are not the ideal target. Some will put up a bit of a fight, but stand your ground. ‘If you have any positive news to share I am all ears. If not, I need to stop you right there and get back to my work.”
EP 123: He’s Helping Men Understand their Value They Can Bring to Their Families An Interview with Matt Woodrum
He’s Helping Men Understand their Value They Can Bring to Their Families
An Interview with Matt Woodrum
Wrestling with Fatherhood
Matt Woodrum, married, with 3 daughters, is passionate about sending a call out to men to understand the value that they bring to their families. As someone who grew up without a dad and worked within the prison system, Matt has seen firsthand how growing up without a dad can negatively affect our children.
Matt is equipping men to become their kid’s biggest hero. To often men minimize their value.
Matt found his motivation from his childhood.
As a small illustration of the kind of life he had as a toddler, Matt shares that his first words were Scooby Doo.
Matt was removed from his home and adopted out when he was 4 years old because he had been abused. The man he called father committed suicide when he was 7. He did not have a good role model after that.
He credits his wife who, when they first met, encouraged him, telling him that he had a great future and could design it. She also believed in him and his ability to do well in school when he felt like a failure.
As an adult he worked in a prison ministry and learned that 88% of men who were incarcerated did not have good father figures growing up.
And, then he worked with women in prison teaching anger management and learned of the heartache so many had felt from treatment from men.
He knew that men needed to step up, do better and understand the value they could bring by living to higher standards.
Next steps include Mastermind groups for men where they will find a community to lock arms with so they can encourage, uplift one another and hole one another accountable to exceptional standards.
Matt often struggles with not feeling good enough or questions how in the world someone with his background could ever be equipped to help men be great fathers and husbands. He has no role model himself. But, his wife is always there with words of encouragement and this keeps him going.
Matt knows that with a history like his he could either think poor me and use it as an excuse to do nothing with his life or, he could turn his trials into his testimony.
EP 116: 7 Musts for Your Mentors or Trusted Advisors Give Weight to the Advice of Only a Select Few
7 Musts for Your Mentors or Trusted Advisors Give Weight to the Advice of Only a Select Few
Do you have some lingering relationships ….that can be challenging …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…
……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.
Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap I can’t wait to show you how! Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out!
Where are you in the making an impact process? Are you brand new and still working through the idea in your head? Perhaps you’ve just started to share with others, or maybe you’re well on your way and enjoying some success.
Whether you’re announcing a new business, podcast, book, network marketing endeavor, volunteer initiative, ministry or nonprofit dream……
One thing is certain……once you start sharing your idea, those with opinions thoughts, cautionary tales, similar stories they read about, something they heard one day ……..alllllllll start sharing theirs……
As the old saying goes, “Opinions are like a***holes. Every person has one”…..
And you end up with all kinds of feedback and words of quote unquote “wisdom” whether invited or not:
Are you serious? I heard of a guy who did that too and it was terrible!
Why would you waste time on that?
Those are all scams!
I tried that and it didn’t work out for me at all. It won’t work for you either.
You can’t do that! You’re too busy already!
You don’t know anything about how to do that. You’ll never get it done.
You’re too much of a quitter!
You’ll never be able to create change there.
The problem’s way too big!
That’s too hard!
You won’t get anyone else to care about that!
What do you know about that topic?
Why would anyone listen to you?
You should do this instead……
It’s important to keep in mind that most of these opinions, thoughts, ideas, cautionary tales are moving through their own fear filters, and are boxed in by their own life experiences and knowledge.
And many times, they’re just thrown out there with little thought or any attachment to your success or future. It might just be that the person wants to look smart for a minute. Maybe they like to think of themselves as well-informed…..and maybe, just maybe……they fear YOUR success……and the words are shared to halt your progress.
Even when well-intended, words can be unhelpful and will get in your head to cast doubt where it doesn’t need to be if we give those opinions more weight than they’re worth.
So why do we listen?!?
You are not obligated to heed the words or warnings of every person who shares advice.
Today I give you license to let words fall as if on deaf ears.
Instead, be intentional about who you give the privileged position of speaking into your life. Some call it trusted advisor status. Perhaps you call them mentors. Whatever the title, choose wisely. There are specific characteristics that someone should have before you give them this esteemed role.
Here are 7 Musts for Your Mentors or Trusted Advisors
They Must:
- Have Knowledge or Expert Status about the Topic:They know it, have lived it, or at least studied up on it. They can share opinions and advice from a place of fact rather than busting out with info off the cuff. And, if they don’t have specific knowledge they’ll go find it to share an informed opinion or stay silent on the topic.
- Have a Unique Perspective: they’ve been where you want to go or have done what you do, but with a twist. They can offer you real life perspectives to help you achieve your goals. They aren’t going to rely on some folklore passed down through generations as a cautionary tale to squash your dreams.
- Understand Your Perspective:they know your passions, desires and your vision. Or, they’ll ask questions until they totally get what you are trying to achieve.
- Want the Best for You: they won’t feel like a failure if you succeed. They aren’t driven by jealousy. They truly want to see you reach your goals even if it means surpassing their success or moving away from them.
- Put Their Own Fears, Biases, Agendas aside: they are able to provide objective and well thought out advice with the pure intent of helping you achieve your goals.When you are starting a business, or taking on an unconventional endeavor, you’ll often get people weighing in who have a deep fear of taking a similar leap. They will warn you out of their own sense of dread. (facilitating an executives in transition meeting) Stay away and stick to those who can put their own fears aside.
- Allow You to Make Your Own Choices: (we probably all have that friend or relative who always thinks they know best…..they throw out ideas on every single topic and are offended if you don’t listen…….STEER CLEAR) Mentors provide their advice and fact-based opinions, share concerns and then sit back and allow you to make the final choice. They aren’t mad, disappointed or frustrated with you if you don’t heed their warnings or follow through on their counsel. They provide their ideas freely.
- The Relationship Lives On: Whether you take their advice or not they continue to be in your corner cheering you on and wishing the best for you.
If someone who is not a trusted advisor weighs in just listen to their advice, thank them and move on. Sharing an opinion does not obligate you to consider or follow through based on that advice.
Click To Get More Information On The Relationship Renovation Roadmap