Live and Lead For Impact Podcast with Kirsten E Ross

Ep 167 Tara Murphy: Providing Hope and Resources to Struggling Parents

Tara is the mother of 2 children with autism and founder of the Parenting Frontier, a non-attorney advocacy which specializes in appropriate education for special education students. 

 

Her legal struggle for her children provides hope and inspiration to many. Despite what others think Tara stands up for what she believes in.  

 

Theparentingfrontier.com  

 

Learn the Delegation Strategies I’ve shared with THOUSANDS and get your team to do what you need! Grab a copy of my EBook, The Six Simple Steps to Great Delegation

DefeatTheDrama.com/DelegationSheet

 

Kirsten Ross Vogel is an author, podcast host and CEO of Focus Forward Coaching where we help leaders 

 

  • defeat team drama 
  • to 4X productivity, 
  • wow their customers 
  • and improve their bottom line 
  • with simple, actionable strategies, systems, communication hacks and mindset shifts.

Ready for some individualized help for your leadership challenges?  Grab a spot on my calendar and let’s discuss how I can help you transform your leadership and your team.

DefeattheDrama.com/Call

EP 142: F It for Impact 5 in a series of 5 Fix Your Focus

Fix Your Focus

#5 in the series – F it for Impact

 

Fix Your Focus

  • In every moment opportunity to choose what you focus on – Hit will millions of pieces of data through all of our senses –
    • Notice your butt in your chair – weren’t paying attention – now you are
    • How do your feet feel in your shoes or in your socks?
  • We tell our brains what to focus on – what to leave at the ready for quick access – EVER forget to tell yourself to remember where you parked your car? It’s in there – you just didn’t file it close
  • Walking in the forest – can focus on the dirt and the soggy now rotting fallen leaves from last year – or look up to see the sun glinting through vibrant green leaves. – It’s a moment in time and we have each of those perspectives available to us. – Same is true for all moments of our lives –
  • Tony Robbins – Race Car – look at the wall – hit the wall
  • Focus on solutions not problems
  • Focus on what energizes you not what tears you down
  • Make challenges small and quick in your mind – don’t dwell on them
  • Look for what is in your control and focus there – capture your creativity – focus on the problem = zaps energy and you lose the opportunity to problem solve.

Sons young – No structure – no bedtime – didn’t focus on what was out of my control – the frustration – the mama bear wanting to come out – instead focused on a solution –

EP 140: F It For Impact – Fend Off Fear (4 – 5)

Fend Off Fear

#4 in the series – F it for Impact

 

Fend off Fear

  • Amygdala – can’t stop it – don’t have to listen

  • Son – afraid of thunderstorms

  • Not just fear of actions – talking to a stranger, calling someone, speaking in front of the room

  • Fear of

    • disappointing others,

    • not looking good,

    • failure

    • Feeling useless

Making someone angry or sad

Are you struggling with difficult relationships?

Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap

EP 134: F It for Impact – Fuel Your Fortitude – 1 of 4

F it For Impact – Fuel Your Fortitude #1 In a Series

Commit and just don’t quit – Don’t give yourself the out – Table the Decision – don’t waste time pondering

 

  • Every day I learn new things

  • It will get easier

  • I will find a way

  • I haven’t tried all the possible ways yet

  • Play it like a game – have fun while you try new things – see what you can make happen

    • Here are the trip ups to avoid to help you fuel your fortitude

    • Know that Perfect Timing is a Myth – Sometimes you have the commitment BUT – you need to commit to action – NOT just committing to commit – Don’t delay action until you feel ready – get in research mode- feel like you have to have it all figured out first – you won’t know everything until you just do it – It’s okay to figure things out as you go – unitl the kids are back in school or the sun begins to shine – WRITING MY FIRST BOOK
    • Instant Gratification is Mostly a Myth
      • Bill Gates said, “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in 10.
      • Impact takes time – commit to the specific steps you must take daily, weekly, monthly and just keep going.
        • If you have kids you know you had to wait for that first smile – that first little positive reinforcement while you fed, changed, burped, walked…..
        • Blogging, podcasting – anything where you are working to connect with people – can feel like it’s going out into a black hole – invisible – but…often people are watching, noticing….it takes time
        • Most famous people had years of struggle before you knew them. Much of what you see is the end result of years of sacrifice – to US it’s instant fame but that is rarely the reality
      • Your Why – I have my Objectives – WHY I participate in Network Marketing – Not heart centered – more practical – and then my WHY – Objectives also help and can be good when speaking to people – different things to pull from:
        • Solo Preneur 15 years – provides a team of goal oriented people into personal development – hard to find – NM provides that environment
        • Help More People – Coach, Speak, Motivate
        • An additional Stream of Income –

    And then the WHY – Heart Centered – More than money – what that money or time freedom can do – MUST include an element of serving others – When speaking with others they need to feel that a part of your purpose is about them – This will also have you speak in a way that gives them freedom to say yes or no – to decide for themselves if it’s right for them.

    • Run Your Own Race – don’t compare –
    • Burn the Boat – Remove other options – earn the auto bonus, get the car
      • Downturn in the economy – single mom and business owner – started also looking for a job – realized – needed full focus on biz – couldn’t get my heart into working for someone else – my time and energy was divided – full force – highest earnings to date that next year

    Are you struggling with difficult relationships?

    Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap

    EP 128: I Learned a Life Lesson from my Car! Where Does your Life Need a Tune Up?

    I Learned a Life Lesson from my Car!

    Where Does your Life Need a Tune Up?

     

    Still struggling with difficult relationships?

    Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap

    I actually wrote about this life lesson learned from my car a few years back and as I’m revisiting it now had to laugh.  My son is currently on his way to get HIS car fixed with a similar issue.  He waited until the emergency situation placed on the side of the expressway calling AAA for service. I’d been telling him for weeks he needed to get it looked at. He didn’t listen and look…..neither did I….

    Here’s my similar story with the life lessons it taught me…..
    My car had had some issues.  I had to keep refilling the coolant reservoir.  I assumed that it was leaking, though I didn’t know for sure.  I’m not a big car person.  I don’t really enjoy dealing with anything to do with my car other than getting in and driving it where I need to go.  Beyond that I don’t want to take any time on it.  I try to avoid talking about it, getting work done on it, pumping gas into it, filling the tires or even shopping for a new one!  As long as the car I have can fulfill its basic function for me I’m good to go.

    Over time the coolant issue got worse and worse and I had to spend a bit more time and money dealing with my car.  I had to buy coolant and add it.  At first I needed to add it about once a month, then once every couple weeks, then once a week.  Finally I was adding coolant two times per week.  The gage I used was my air conditioning or heat (yes, this went on for months!).  When the air conditioner or heater blew out warm air rather than cold or hot I knew that it was time to add more coolant.

    It was working for me.  I knew deep down that I was spending a lot on coolant but I just didn’t feel like taking the extra time necessary to figure out what was really wrong.  I was just using the band aid method, coaxing the car along doing the bare minimum to keep it driving for me.  It was fulfilling its basic function so I just kept going with it.

    Then one morning I went out to my trusty vehicle to drive my two boys to school.  The car failed me!  It would not start.  I checked the fluid.  I had just filled it.  I didn’t think that low fluid was a reasonable hypothesis since it had been bone dry many times with no starter issues, but it was worth a try.  That tapped my knowledge base.  I had a car that was no longer fulfilling its basic function.  I was finally forced into real action.  I called the mechanic who makes house calls.

    The starting issue ended up being nothing more than a dead battery, an easy fix.  The leak, however, was a disintegrating radiator.  Once the mechanic removed it, he ran his hand down it to show me all of the little metal fins just falling away.  He said that it had been on the verge of failing altogether.  It would not have been drivable.  Coolant would have gushed all over.  There would have been nothing to fill.  I was now thankful for the dead battery.  It stopped my car from working and made me take the time to figure out what was really wrong.  Out of sheer luck, I was at home rather than on the side of the road somewhere.
    It got me thinking.  How often do we do this in our lives?  As long as something is still working, at least barely, we don’t put the time or energy necessary to address it at all.  We live with mediocrity rather than shooting for greatness.  We limp along rather than soaring.  We put time and energy into a band aid but nothing more.  And if we are lucky, a smaller issue will pop up to give us a wakeup call before catastrophe strikes.  So, what in your life needs more attention?  Where do you need a wake up call?

    Are you just skating at work but feel like, hey, the job still pays the bills?  When is the last time you put extra energy at work?   When did you put not just your time but your passion into your work?  When did you last feel gratitude towards your boss, your subordinates or peers?

    Or, maybe it’s your own business.  Are you feeling frustrated while you fail to do what you must to really succeed?

    Is your relationship with your significant other just a partnership of convenience?  Where have you set the bar?  Do you figure If the house gets semi-clean and there are some clean clothes, you both must be doing something right?  That’s good enough.  When is the last time you had a date together?  When did you last feel passion?  When did you feel an air of gratitude?  When is the last time you took a moment to appreciate the fact that your partner is in your life?  When did you last say, “I appreciate you”, with words or a gesture?  What energy is going to this important relationship to make it great?  Wouldn’t a rocking relationship be a better bar to set?  What would that feel like?

    Does stress fill your life?  Are you slapping the band aid of alcohol or sleeping pills to keep going the way you’re going?  Who do you need to say no to with grace?  How do you need to revamp your expectations of yourself?  Are you shooting for that impossible goal of perfection?  What resentments are you carrying?  Where do you need to have a voice?  Where are you making assumptions that just increase your anger?

    Do you have a health issue that you just work around?  I have to admit to that I have done this.  Are you putting a band aid on an issue?  What if it’s your tiny wake up call, the one that will come before catastrophe hits?  How can you get your body in motion?  What are you fueling your body with?  When did you have your last check-up?  What health screenings have you put off as unimportant?

    Are you just tolerating your kids? Are they something to be dealt with, just another chore?  When is the last time you celebrated them?  Where can you pour more energy into their lives?  What wisdom can you teach? How can you shower love on them?  Where do you need to pull back the reigns and pay attention to their lives?  Who are they hanging out with, what do they do?

    What in your life is slowly getting worse and worse?  What are you putting a band aid on rather than actually fixing?  What would it feel like to put full energy on fixing something rather than partial energy on band-aiding?  Where does your energy need to go before your kids are lost, your marriage falls apart, your health fails you, your boss fires you or your business fails?

    Let this be your wake up call. You are a limited resource created for impact.  Learn this lesson from my car.  Take action now.  It’s time for you to soar!

    EP 126: 6 Quick Questions to Help You Capture Time and Decrease Stress

    EP 126: 6 Quick Questions to Help You Capture Time and Decrease Stress

     

    Do you have some lingering relationships … …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…

    ……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.

    Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap  I can’t wait to show you how!

    Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out!

    I think it’s pretty safe to assume that, if you are working to make an impact, life is busy!  You are almost certainly juggling, coordinating and prioritizing life, relationships, self-care, hiccups, money-making endeavors, impact activities, if the two are not intertwined, and then all of the extra activities that surround any and all of the above.

    Most of us would probably say, “life is busy, but good!”

    While you are increasing your bandwidth, however, it is so important to minimize stress.  Busy and energized is great but stress takes the energy to a negative place.  Overwhelm is never good and stress takes a toll on our impact, our bodies and our lives.

    I always say, you can live that way for a sprint, but not a marathon!

    Here are 6 quick questions.  Answer them and then take action to move from overwhelm to calm – or at least calmer!

    1. What can you stop doing?

    Are there rules that you live with in your house because you grew up that way?  Your mom made you do it so now you have to?  Rules about laundry, making the bed, dinners and more…..sit back and start fresh. Can you relax some rules you have for you?

    I still remember the dinner I made when my boys were little……”Oh mom!  You are the BEST cook!  You should have your own cooking show!”  My fancily cooked cuisine?
    Tomato soup and grilled cheese – I think it’s safe to say they were easily wowed –

    I’ve been a huge fan of my crock pot for years and Dump Recipes are amazing.  Drop the contents in a freezer bag, throw it in the freezer standing up.  Pull it out to place it in the crock pot first thing in the morning.  Fire up the rice cooker for a side and the meal is ready to go!

    Remember…..I’ve always done this….does not have to lock you in for a lifetime.

    Also consider, What committees are you on?  What volunteering are you doing?

    How much time are you spending on social media or watching junk tv?  Now, I have nothing against either and I’m not saying you must stop it all – but, let’s get real, either can become time suckers.  Netflix couldn’t make it any easier to binge watch for hours.  And scrolling social media for a few moments can turn into hours without any thought.

    Take a look at your time with fresh eyes and let nothing be off limits. Keep track for a week or so.  If you have an iPhone, check the stats they now provide for how you’re spending time on you phone.

    What will you stop doing?

     

    Where can you lower expectations?

    There are different seasons of life.  Did you create some expectations for yourself, your home, your family that made great sense during a calmer time?

    Making your impact or maneuvering through any busy time of life with some amount of peace requires recalibrating expectations to better fit the time.

    I still remember when, as a single mom, I had to lower my expectations for our pool. I’d always been proud of how sparkly blue I could keep it.  Well, once the full complement of responsibilities fell on me as a single who hadn’t downsized the home it was no longer realistic to keep the pool that way.  There are only so many hours in a day and some things had to give – Good enough had to be good enough.

    Where are you holding tight to unrealistic expectations that are not a fit for your circumstance?  Are they causing extra pressure, stress and discouragement?  Give yourself relief by adjusting where you must.

    What can you outsource?

    Make a list of the activities you don’t like to do or aren’t good at and farm out what you can.

    I’m not just talking about hired help.  Is there anyone in your household who could take on additional duties?  Do you have kids old enough to start doing or chores, or, if doing some, can they take on more?  Now….I get it, this may also plop you back into the question above….where can you lower expectations?  Are you one of those, it has to be done exactly how I want it or it will drive me nuts people?  If so…lowering expectations and learning to live with good enough or different is fine may need to be part of your solution.

    And then what CAN you hire out or trade for?

    There’s an endless list.  If you don’t have money to outsource, perhaps you can trade some services.  If you do outsource, be intentional with the time you capture.
    Lawn and landscaping?
    Cleaning
    Laundry
    Driving Kids
    Cooking
    Clerical Activities
    Basic accounting duties
    Marketing and Social Media
    Emails and Schedules
    Tutors
    How will you capture your list? 

    The written or typed lists are essential!  If you don’t get it out the list sits in your head.  If it sits in your head you have to keep rehearsing it to make sure you aren’t forgetting anything.  I know you are laughing right now because you’ve done it or are doing it now!

    Rehearsing a list makes you less productive in the moment and stressed.  Your mind will think that there is an endless number of tasks.  And you will be afraid of forgetting something.  It will also rob you of sleep.  Lying in bed when your mind is supposed to be quiet is the prime time for rehearsal.  Get it out of your head and on paper into a digital format!
    How can you chunk down large projects?

    Good from a practical standpoint.  You can only do so much at once anyway. Unless your life is different from most, you’ll never get large projects done if you tell yourself you need a solid week of uninterrupted time.  BUT….you can finish pieces of a project 15, 30 or 90 minutes at a time.

    Chunking down makes it easier to fill in fragments of time with pieces of your priorities list.  Apps like Toodledo will even help you sift to find tasks by time.

    Chunking down also helps you focus only on what’s next.  This is really helpful!  I used to feel the full weight of a project until it was all done.  That added way too much stress.  In a large project there is going to be an order to tasks.  If you’re on step 3 but worrying a feeling the weight of step 20 as if it’s gotta happen now, you’re increasing your stress exponentially.  I know from personal experience. I had to learn to chunk it down AND put the later tasks to the side in my mind.  Look at what’s in front of me now not what’s coming.

    What should be prioritized first? Knowing what you need to get done is step one.  Step 2 is prioritizing it all to fit into the time you have in a way that gets it done on time.  Use your time with intention.

    When I’m prioritizing I pay attention to my energy.  I know that my most creative time is earlier in the day so prioritize tasks that require more focus into earlier time slots.

    I also consider what’s happening in the world.  You won’t see me at a Costco on the weekend. I can go there during slower times so choose to do that instead.

    I hope these questions will help you capture some productive time.  I can’t wait to see the impact you make with the new found time!

    Still struggling with difficult relationships?

    Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap

     

    Wishing you a life of joy, balance, passion & purpose!