Live and Lead For Impact Podcast with Kirsten E Ross

EP 169 Mike Swigunski – Work and Travel With Ease


https://globalcareerbook.com/

 

Mike Swigunski is a #1 bestselling author of Global Career: How to Work Anywhere and Travel Forever. He is a remote job and travel expert that has helped build multiple six, seven, and even eight-figure online businesses while traveling around the world to more than 85+ countries! 

 

 

Learn the Delegation Strategies I’ve shared with THOUSANDS and get your team to do what you need! Grab a copy of my EBook, The Six Simple Steps to Great Delegation

DefeatTheDrama.com/DelegationSheet

 

Kirsten Ross Vogel is an author, podcast host and CEO of Focus Forward Coaching where we help leaders 

 

  • defeat team drama 
  • to 4X productivity, 
  • wow their customers 
  • and improve their bottom line 
  • with simple, actionable strategies, systems, communication hacks and mindset shifts.

 

Ready for some individualized help for your leadership challenges?  Grab a spot on my calendar and let’s discuss how I can help you transform your leadership and your team.

DefeattheDrama.com/Call

 

Ep 167 Tara Murphy: Providing Hope and Resources to Struggling Parents

Tara is the mother of 2 children with autism and founder of the Parenting Frontier, a non-attorney advocacy which specializes in appropriate education for special education students. 

 

Her legal struggle for her children provides hope and inspiration to many. Despite what others think Tara stands up for what she believes in.  

 

Theparentingfrontier.com  

 

Learn the Delegation Strategies I’ve shared with THOUSANDS and get your team to do what you need! Grab a copy of my EBook, The Six Simple Steps to Great Delegation

DefeatTheDrama.com/DelegationSheet

 

Kirsten Ross Vogel is an author, podcast host and CEO of Focus Forward Coaching where we help leaders 

 

  • defeat team drama 
  • to 4X productivity, 
  • wow their customers 
  • and improve their bottom line 
  • with simple, actionable strategies, systems, communication hacks and mindset shifts.

Ready for some individualized help for your leadership challenges?  Grab a spot on my calendar and let’s discuss how I can help you transform your leadership and your team.

DefeattheDrama.com/Call

EP24: My Business Partner Moves too Slowly! What Can I Do?

DTD Episode 24 Show Notes

My Business Partner Moves too Slowly!

Click to download the show notes for the Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 24

DefeatYourDramaIn the Defeat Your Drama segments I will provide solutions based on the information provided.  I will obviously not have full details so will provide customized strategies based on what you share.  Always consider your own specific circumstances before taking any action.  These are suggestions not guarantees.

If you’d like me to share customized strategies for your drama situation go to my website http://podcast.defeatthedrama.com/defeat-your-drama/ .  You can type or record your message.  Use your real name or an alias for anonymity.  Note that recorded or written messages may be used on the podcast.

Ron from Orlando

My partner and I started our business 3 ½ years ago.   The business is doing really well and I love how I get to spend my time.  However, working with my partner has become very challenging.  Whether it’s a big or small decision we move at different speeds.  I like to do a bit of research, make a decision and then move!  He wants to research and read and talk forever!  I’ve been interested in expanding the business into a new market for the last year.  I have done the research and feel like it’s a no brainer!  There’s always risk but I feel confident that we’ll be successful and am ready to move.  He, however, is still not comfortable.  We meet and meet and meet and talk and talk and talk.  I want action!   It’s starting to impact our relationship.  I know he’s just as frustrated with me.  We have a profitable business and I respect him as a person.  The time with him is becoming unbearable, though.   What can we do to make this partnership work better?

Let’s Defeat Your Drama Ron!

I’m sorry that you are feeling so frustrated!

I must start by letting you know that you are not alone.  Believe it or not, most successful partnerships experience this, what I’ll call, tug of war.   And I want to emphasize that I mean “successful.”

The truth is that you need complementary skills and personalities for a successful partnership.  So, while the differences are currently creating frustration, the good news is that together it sounds like you’ve got the right blend to achieve success.

Ron, it sounds like you are a risk taker.  You like to do a bit of due diligence, make a decision and then pull the trigger to get moving.   This is a great way to ignite flexibility in your business.  You can be nimble and react to external forces.   However, unchecked, a business owner or entrepreneur who moves too quickly can make missteps or end up focusing on too much at once.

On the flip side it sounds like your partner is risk-averse and loves the pursuit of information.  I will assume that he often gets lost in research.  Data is his best friend.  He is master of analysis and will investigate the pros the cons and everything in between before taking any action.  Analysis and some good healthy due diligence is important before making any investment or business decision.  However, left unchecked, a leader with this personality can get caught in analysis paralysis.  There is no chance to make swift maneuvers that allow you to be nimble in times of external upheaval.  No way to benefit from unanticipated business opportunities that could prove advantageous.

So, neither style is 100% optimal.  Perfection is found in the blend between the two.

So, the goal is to find the currently frustrating differences more palatable.  To achieve that I recommend the following:

  1. Appreciate:  Rather than feeling frustrated by his slow action, come from a place of appreciation.  You need him to protect you from you.  And he must do the same.  You will come up with the great ideas and push for action while he will pull back on the reigns to assure that there is good due diligence prior to making a change or investing in something new.   The differences are good so be thankful.
  1. Meet in the Middle:  Both of you must commit to live in some amount of discomfort.  He must choose to appreciate the discomfort he feels with the speed at which you’d like to move into new markets, and you with the slow pace of his data rich analysis.  If one of you is fully comfortable you are either moving too quickly or too slowly.  Agree to meet in the middle for what is probably the perfect pace.Do set some ground rules for circumstances where you each commit to allowing the other to win.  Perhaps there is a great opportunity with a tight deadline.  He must put himself in more discomfort to allow for a swifter response.  Likewise, if there is a bigger business move you might have to agree to a more grueling period of data analysis.
  1. Choose to Find Humor:  In every moment we have the power to choose our reaction.  You can choose to feel frustration or you can choose to see the humor.  Choose to appreciate and laugh at your differences rather than building resentments.   Develop some humorous words or phrases that mean “you are driving me crazy” without actually saying that.  Be playful with your differences.  Then laugh together as you relish in your success.

If you’d like to get customized strategies for your drama situation go to DEFEAT YOUR DRAMA to record your details or send a message.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP17: Two of my employees don’t get along. What can I do?

DTD Episode 17 Show Notes

Defeat YOUR Drama:
Two of my employees get along. What can I do?

Click to download the show notes for the Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 17

DefeatYourDrama

If you’d like me to share customized strategies for your drama situation go to my website http://podcast.defeatthedrama.com/defeat-your-drama. You can type or record your message. Use your real name or an alias for anonymity. Note that recorded or written messages may be used on the podcast.

Dave from Delaware wrote in:

Two of my employees do not like each other. I think it started with a dating situation gone awry. They refuse to work in the same vicinity. They won’t communicate directly with each other. I keep doing more and more to keep the peace but nothing works. They complain about each other to me constantly. They don’t want to help each other. It seems like the entire team is constantly focused on keeping the two of them apart. Talk about drama! Please tell me what I can do!

Dave, so sorry to hear about your struggles. Let’s get you some customized solutions.

As always, In the Defeat Your Drama segments, I will provide solutions based on the information provided. I will obviously not have full details so will provide customized strategies based on what you share. Always consider your own specific circumstances before taking any action. These are suggestions not guarantees.

#1 Realize that You Are Creating the Problem

Dave, you might not want to hear it, but you have helped to create the situation that you are in. No, I’m not suggesting you had anything to do with the dating snafu that caused the rift initially. But, your reaction to the situation has invited the chaos into your business.

Good news, though! It means that you can be part of the solution!

Humans don’t make change without some motivation as a catalyst. There must be some sort of pain or consequence to motivate them to work through their differences. To date, you have accommodated their desire to continue the feud. Both you and the rest of the team are creating all the work arounds to support its continuation. You are, thus, bearing the brunt. The situation is working for them. They get to stay away from each other while the rest of the team does everything to help them avoid each other.

I am going to assume that since you took the time to write to me that this is NOT working for you or the rest of your team. You have motivation to change, correct?

#2 Stop Accommodating Them and Create a New Expectation:

As soon as possible you need to call a meeting either with both of them together or each individually one right after the other. I recommend pulling them together over the individual meetings. Put them on notice that they need to start getting along and working together. Tell them that you can no longer coordinate the work schedule to accommodate them. They may, in fact, have shifts where they are working together. Share with them the burden it is to the business and the rest of the team. You’ve accommodated them as long as you can. You’ve given them opportunity to put the issue behind them.

Let them know that your hope is for both of them to continue working for you. Let them know the value they each bring.

Then share the new expectation which is: They don’t have to like each other but they do have to respect each other and get along at work. Their disagreements cannot impact their work. Period. End of story. If either is not willing to agree to this then they must resign.

If they agree to it but do not follow through you will need to walk them through the discipline process and out the door.

You might think that I am being harsh right now. Remember, I’ve been doing this for over 20 years. I have helped many business owners and leaders go through this same exact process. Most often what I’ve seen happen is the two individuals ARE able to put their differences aside to keep their jobs.

When we lead from a place of fear – I don’t want to be mean – I don’t want to lose them – we tend to put up with more than we should. We do all the accommodating. When in reality, given the choice to modify behavior or lose a job, many employees will choose to modify the behavior. You just haven’t made it a requirement yet so there have had no need to make the choice.

You are now giving them new decisions to make based on new circumstances. There are no guarantees. They may not be able to work out their differences but you are putting the business and your customers ahead of their petty disagreements.

This is you going to the mat for your business. Doesn’t your business deserve to win over this petty feud? Shouldn’t your customers win? The other employees?

And, truly, what is the worst that might happen? Are these employees so irreplaceable? Again, they will probably put their differences aside. If they don’t, you still wind. Either way you are done with this silly situation.

Now, that said, they may not have the tools to work through their situation without some assistance. So, step three involves you providing them with some support.

#3 Help them Communicate with Each Other

You don’t say how long the conflict has been going on or whether the dating relationship that sparked the issue continues so it is unclear how wide the rift is or how entrenched. Regardless, it is quite possible that they will need some assistance working through initial conversations. I recommend that you bring them together for some facilitated conversations. The goal should be to talk through basic work issues. Minimally they need someone to help them have a respectful conversation. Speak and listen well.

Have them make commitments to each other about how they will conduct themselves at work. Help them to start to build some trust. And it will also be good for you to reinforce the fact that success on the job and continued employment requires that they place their focus on doing their jobs well and working harmoniously together where required.

If the thought of facilitating this kind of conversation seems daunting to you you might want to enlist the help of someone skilled in the area. Do you have any leaders on your team with experience facilitating difficult conversations? If not, you might want to enlist the help of an outside resource like coach or consultant.

#4 Give them the Freedom to Choose

Once you’ve clearly defined the expectations and given them some tools to work well together release the outcome. You don’t have control over whether they will make the right choices.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher

EP12: I love my job, but my boss is a tyrant! What can I do?

DYD Episode 12 Show Notes

Defeat YOUR Drama:
I love my job, but my boss is a tyrant! What can I do?

Click to download the show notes for the Defeat the Drama Podcast Episode 12

DefeatYourDramaIn the Defeat Your Drama segments I will provide solutions based on the information provided. I will obviously not have full details so will provide customized strategies based on what you share. Always consider your own specific circumstances before taking any action. These are suggestions not guarantees.

If you’d like me to share customized strategies for your drama situation go to my website http://podcast.defeatthedrama.com/defeat-your-drama. You can type or record your message. Use your real name or an alias for anonymity. Note that recorded or written messages may be used on the podcast.

Sarah from Oregon says…

I love my job! I know that I am making a difference. I have a lot of autonomy. My coworkers are great! We work well as a team. The drama happens when my boss comes to our location. He works in a different office about 150 miles away so I don’t see him that often, maybe once every couple of months. When I do, though, he blows in and is a complete tyrant. He treats me like I’m doing a terrible job and berates me in front of co-workers. It’s awful!! Most if not all of the stuff he yells at me about isn’t even true! He makes all of these assumptions and doesn’t give me a chance to provide the truth.

I feel like quitting every time he visits. I don’t want to leave my job. What can I do?

Let’s Defeat Your Drama Sarah!

I am so sorry that you are having this experience. Yuck!

The first thing you say is that you love your job. So, let’s see if we can make it palatable enough for you to stay with full energy and focus.

As always, we need to start by determining what is in your control. Where can you have a positive impact on the situation? Keep in mind, I am not excusing your boss’s behavior. But, you can’t control how your boss is reacting. You can only control you.

I have 3 specific strategies to try:

#1 Focus on the Message Not the Method:
Look beyond the way he is communicating and hear what he is saying. Is there any validity to the concerns he is expressing? Sometimes when someone is speaking aggressively we focus fully on how they are communicating and miss out on any nuggets that are there. If we are missing nuggets of valid information, at times, this can cause a person to get even more aggressive. Again, not saying it’s okay or that you are to blame. It’s just what can happen. If that is the case, this might be an area where you can create a positive impact.

If there are some valid concerns there try to address those. Sometimes the request they are asking for isn’t the actual fix. So, you also want to hear the message and then think about whether the fix requires doing the right things OR, is the fix communicating better. In other words, you’re doing the right things but your boss doesn’t know.

This is a distinct possibility since he spends most of his time 150 miles away from you. Is he aware of all that you are accomplishing and all that it takes to do what you do?

I have my clients ask themselves – Is this a doing issue or a communication issue?

Often the actual issue boils down to communication. A boss just isn’t aware of the though and research going into a decision or the steps taken to complete a project with accuracy. They then, inaccurately assume that the work is not right.

If you are doing the right things but he is not aware, come up with a new communication strategy that will keep him in the loop with more detail. If you are up to it, ask for his input. Let him know that you’d like to keep him up to date on your activities and ask what he feels is the best method; weekly phone call, email Excel Spreadsheet on your intranet or Google Docs.

You didn’t share the kind of work you are doing so I’m not sure how much information you would need to share.

#2 Make a Request:
I use the term “request” purposefully. Request is very non-confrontational. And that’s the feel you want to have in this second step. Think about what you need from your boss. And then lob it out there. Making a request doesn’t have a lot of emotional oomph. Just ask and don’t hold tight to a specific outcome. The goals is for your boss to feel like he has complete freedom to respond to your request or not. He actually has freedom regardless of HOW you ask, but if you can ask from a non-emotional place I believe your chances of success are higher. If you ask defensively an already aggressive person will meet you there and be defensive themselves. They’ll want to hold their position.

You don’t share what your general response is when your boss gets aggressive. I don’t know if you are walking out of the room, yelling back, defending yourself.

Schedule a time to talk to him separate from any outbursts. Share that you sense his frustration with you. Communicate that you want to understand what you can do to help him feel more confident in you. Share that you’d prefer feedback in private. Indicate that you are hoping that the increased updates from you will help him stay informed of your progress, achievements, etc….. If it feels comfortable and the relationship isn’t too adversarial aside from the outbursts, share what it feels like to be on the receiving end of his frustration. Request, calmly that he share his concerns in a way that helps you excel. Share that you love your job and want to do well. You are open to constructive feedback.

If you listen or nuggets and respond by doing things differently or upping your communication about accomplishments and this doesn’t fix the problem and your requests to have a more productive communication with him fall on deaf ears then the last resort is

#3 Give the Issue Little Focus:
If your boss has no self awareness and, thus, is unwilling to even consider changing his communication style then what is left to your control is your reaction to his outbursts.

Can you aim little of your focus there? Try not to think or worry about it in between outbursts. Focus, instead on the enjoyment you get from the work that you do. I’m not saying it is easy, but choose a reaction or non-reaction. Maybe his outbursts are ridiculously funny. Maybe it’s sad for him. Wow, to hold so much anger. Or to have the need to tear others down to help himself feel better…………….You don’t really know for sure why he is doing what he does, so why not tell yourself a story that doesn’t include you at the center. It really may have nothing to do with how he actually feels about your performance on the job. He might even feel intimidated by your accomplishments and potential.

Again, I’m not saying the behavior is okay – but there are ways to make the situation more palatable. Try these steps to see if you can find more enjoyment, or perhaps make a change in you that transforms the situation. Are you able to get to a place where you just ride out the storm?

It can’t hurt to try! These strategies may help you stay, happily, in a job you love!

If you’d like to get customized strategies for your drama situation go to http://podcast.defeatthedrama.com/defeat-your-drama/ to record your details or send a message.

If you enjoyed, I would really appreciate a review on iTunes and Stitcher