7 Musts for Your Mentors or Trusted Advisors Give Weight to the Advice of Only a Select Few
Do you have some lingering relationships ….that can be challenging …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…
……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.
Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap I can’t wait to show you how! Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out!
Where are you in the making an impact process? Are you brand new and still working through the idea in your head? Perhaps you’ve just started to share with others, or maybe you’re well on your way and enjoying some success.
Whether you’re announcing a new business, podcast, book, network marketing endeavor, volunteer initiative, ministry or nonprofit dream……
One thing is certain……once you start sharing your idea, those with opinions thoughts, cautionary tales, similar stories they read about, something they heard one day ……..alllllllll start sharing theirs……
As the old saying goes, “Opinions are like a***holes. Every person has one”…..
And you end up with all kinds of feedback and words of quote unquote “wisdom” whether invited or not:
Are you serious? I heard of a guy who did that too and it was terrible!
Why would you waste time on that?
Those are all scams!
I tried that and it didn’t work out for me at all. It won’t work for you either.
You can’t do that! You’re too busy already!
You don’t know anything about how to do that. You’ll never get it done.
You’re too much of a quitter!
You’ll never be able to create change there.
The problem’s way too big!
That’s too hard!
You won’t get anyone else to care about that!
What do you know about that topic?
Why would anyone listen to you?
You should do this instead……
It’s important to keep in mind that most of these opinions, thoughts, ideas, cautionary tales are moving through their own fear filters, and are boxed in by their own life experiences and knowledge.
And many times, they’re just thrown out there with little thought or any attachment to your success or future. It might just be that the person wants to look smart for a minute. Maybe they like to think of themselves as well-informed…..and maybe, just maybe……they fear YOUR success……and the words are shared to halt your progress.
Even when well-intended, words can be unhelpful and will get in your head to cast doubt where it doesn’t need to be if we give those opinions more weight than they’re worth.
So why do we listen?!?
You are not obligated to heed the words or warnings of every person who shares advice.
Today I give you license to let words fall as if on deaf ears.
Instead, be intentional about who you give the privileged position of speaking into your life. Some call it trusted advisor status. Perhaps you call them mentors. Whatever the title, choose wisely. There are specific characteristics that someone should have before you give them this esteemed role.
Here are 7 Musts for Your Mentors or Trusted Advisors
- Have Knowledge or Expert Status about the Topic:They know it, have lived it, or at least studied up on it. They can share opinions and advice from a place of fact rather than busting out with info off the cuff. And, if they don’t have specific knowledge they’ll go find it to share an informed opinion or stay silent on the topic.
- Have a Unique Perspective: they’ve been where you want to go or have done what you do, but with a twist. They can offer you real life perspectives to help you achieve your goals. They aren’t going to rely on some folklore passed down through generations as a cautionary tale to squash your dreams.
- Understand Your Perspective:they know your passions, desires and your vision. Or, they’ll ask questions until they totally get what you are trying to achieve.
- Want the Best for You: they won’t feel like a failure if you succeed. They aren’t driven by jealousy. They truly want to see you reach your goals even if it means surpassing their success or moving away from them.
- Put Their Own Fears, Biases, Agendas aside: they are able to provide objective and well thought out advice with the pure intent of helping you achieve your goals.When you are starting a business, or taking on an unconventional endeavor, you’ll often get people weighing in who have a deep fear of taking a similar leap. They will warn you out of their own sense of dread. (facilitating an executives in transition meeting) Stay away and stick to those who can put their own fears aside.
- Allow You to Make Your Own Choices: (we probably all have that friend or relative who always thinks they know best…..they throw out ideas on every single topic and are offended if you don’t listen…….STEER CLEAR) Mentors provide their advice and fact-based opinions, share concerns and then sit back and allow you to make the final choice. They aren’t mad, disappointed or frustrated with you if you don’t heed their warnings or follow through on their counsel. They provide their ideas freely.
- The Relationship Lives On: Whether you take their advice or not they continue to be in your corner cheering you on and wishing the best for you.
If someone who is not a trusted advisor weighs in just listen to their advice, thank them and move on. Sharing an opinion does not obligate you to consider or follow through based on that advice.